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When Your Daughter...

When Your Daughter Compliments You

My daughter is trying to be less confrontational with her family and feel confident as she takes charge of their behavior and assumes responsibility for what she expects from her children and they are sensing her determination and they’re surprised at how secure mom has become (they can’t make her feel guilty) when she insists they follow her rules and is consistent and firm in what she requires them to do.

Therefore, the other day we joked while talking on the phone and she reiterated things she said and I found myself saying, “Sherry, you’re starting to sound just like me!” and then she laughed and for the very first time said “Mom, I know sometimes I can hardly keep a straight face when I realize I’m beginning to be more like you” oh that sounded so good I couldn’t stop smiling as every mother wants to know when their child approves of who they were to them and I think my daughter feels I was an all-right mom.

However on a more serious note I was usually more aggressive in my tone and actions and gratefully a long time ago my daughter and I decided you can accomplish the same objective and not have to be a raving maniac and it’s healthier for the kids. Clearly I’m not diminishing my mothering or the kind of parent I was because I’m convinced I was and am a remarkable mom however my delivery was similar to my mothers and she was abrupt and sometimes screamed and yelled to make her point and as I grow older and smarter I think there can be a better method which will still have a constructive impact while maintaining my mom’s values which were exceptional.

Thus Sherry has taught me many things during our mother-daughter conversations I’d listen and not always give an opinion until I processed the advice or criticism (which I got a lot) and if you’re able to do this both sides can benefit and grow from the experience. My ideas were different I never understood how parents wouldn’t demand kids keep their rooms clean or get themselves ready for school make them do chores when they get up instead of thinking they should be able to poke around be waited on that they were above doing their part around the house and we’d argued about this for years as I felt this pattern was important toward developing standards which reflected what would be expected in school or when they’d get a job being on time doing their best as life would be tough and when they grow up and begin their own families they’d be ready.

Consequently, there was no room to feel sorry for yourself because life is not a bowl of cherries and as simple as that saying goes there’s a lot of wisdom in its meaning and the sooner you get it as a parent the better your children will be equipped to go ahead in life and make it on their own. Hence when I hear parents say they think the younger generation is filled with children who feel entitled to an easy time and are lazy or self centered I don’t believe it’s all of our children however when kids think the world revolves around them it’s your job as parents to introduce them to the harsh facts of life and teach them the world doesn’t and won’t take care of them they will need to do that themselves and only when more parents realize this will we have less self centered and children who act and feel they’re owed a living and instead earn a living for themselves by hard work and strength of mind.

So my conversation with my daughter today made me pleased as it seems she knows even though you may want to make life easier for the kids it’s not in their best interest and helping them become independent should be your goal. Sherry realizes sheltering kids will not prepare them for their future they need to do their part and nothing will make that easy so as you think about your kids and what you do for them ask yourself if it’ll help them with the necessities they need to be successful when you’re not around. Observe if they are on time for appointments and work hard at whatever level they’re able in school to achieve success.

Make sure they do their part at home not inform you it’s not their job because whenever I hear that from my grandchildren I wanted to cringe and scream are you kidding this is our home not just my home. Ask yourself do they respect the things you’ve given them, do they know they’ll have to get a job and work one day and maybe not even like what they do until they finish college and begin what their real passion in life might be. Have you explained the difference of finding their passion in a field which will be a life long career and can take time to accomplish, verses that first job the first step to making it all happen?

There is a difference and if you teach them to plan and be patient they will be successful however this doesn’t just happen to our kids it has to be learned and yes they have teachers and school however much of the habits and attitude begin at home. And therefore I see my daughter consider all of this with her family finally and I thought maybe you’d like to think about some of these things yourself as values are the same for all of us and sharing is what we do as bloggers and we’d love to hear what you think as well because our children should be the most important resource we have in our lives your future and mine depend on their kindness and attitude toward mankind especially as we grow older.

Therefore if we raise them to be isolated and non caring or irresponsible and violent it’s exactly what we can expect when we need their help or care and darn my mother she taught me to be strong willed, determined and able to be cope with everything life has given me and it seems the next generation is heading in the same direction and it doesn’t just happen we must teach dedication, patience, to our children along with hard work so they are able to follow in our footsteps healthier then before finding out where we can improve from our past making the future even better for our wonderful families as they live on.

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