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Penis Police

Penis Police

Sure, we all want a man with a nice package, but what do you do when the delivery is oversized? See what the 4-Way Panel has to say to one woman who's boyfriend is too much to handle.

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Dear 4-Way,
My boyfriend has a huge penis. I haven’t measured, but he’s 6'7", so you can imagine the size. I know plenty of women (and men) would love to have this problem, but it’s really causing a problem in our relationship. I’m 5'7", and sex with him is just not comfortable; in fact, it’s downright painful. I’ve talked to him about this before, and he’s been great about doing other things to please me, but ultimately we also have to have sex for him. But it really hurts, and I’m sore for a few days afterward every time. We haven’t had sex in six weeks at this point, and he knows why, but he’s getting frustrated. If we can’t have sex, I’m wondering if we should even date. Have you guys ever heard of people who break up for this reason? —JK, Nashville, Tennessee

The Gay Man’s Perspective: Darren Maddox
First of all, measure it and report back; inquiring minds want to know! That being said, if the guy is a foot taller and has an appendage resembling a baby’s arm holding an apple, that could definitely be an issue for anyone. We had a question similar to this one a while back.

My best advice is to use lots of lube (a shout-out to Liquid Silk), go slow, and get into a lot more foreplay. Let him know when he has gone as far as he can go. If he’s as big a boy as you say, you’re probably not the first to tell him that he’s got to back that train up. Most important, you don’t want to damage your cervix by trying to please him, all the while feeling like you’re being sawed in half.

The Straight Woman’s Perspective: Rebecca Brown
Wow. Wow. Seriously, WOW. Believe it or not, we’ve actually been asked this question before, but the fact that someone asked again made me think it was worth repeating.

Have you tried other positions? I googled “positions for big penis” (just putting that out there on public record for the day our Technology department checks out the sites I surf at work) to get some info, and there are some good ones to try. Side to side, your leg over his hip, you guys facing each other. Or the same position, only him spooning you from behind. You can also try lubing things up a little.

But the real question that needs to be answered is this: if you can’t have sex, should you even date? Every couple has kinks to work out at some point in the bedroom; sex just isn’t perfect from the get-go. There are lots of other things you can do together (listen to what Chris had to say on our podcast) that, coupled with modified positions, will make life easier and hopefully a little more enjoyable. You can work it out, but you have to want to work it out, and you need to be a little creative. That part should be fun. You don’t sound like you’re having fun. If it’s not, then that’s why you end things, not because he’s John Holmes reincarnated. (Attention, Technology: I just googled “John Holmes’s penis size.” Please do not fire me; I’m merely doing my job.)

The Lesbian Woman’s Perspective: Jody Fischer
Ouch. I’m guessing that you didn’t write into the 4-Way to get the lesbian point of view. I really have to defer to my other three knowledgeable cohorts on this one. I have no firsthand experience here. All I can tell you is that sometimes a couple has the right physical fit, and sometimes they don’t. Do you feel right when you hug and kiss? Does he turn you on in other ways?

Aside from the size of his penis, is the relationship a fit? If your answer is no, then it’s time to go in search of smaller packages. If the answer is yes, I suggest talking to a therapist who specializes in this type of issue, or reading up on various sexual positions that might lessen the impact. To be totally honest, I am way out of my league here. I wish you luck in finding the right fit.

The Straight Man’s Perspective: Chris Kennedy
First off, I must correct you. Plenty of articles, videos, and pictures prove that height does not correlate with penis size. Despite the old wives’ tales—or would they be husbands’ tales?—neither does hand size, nose size, or shoe size. Sorry, big shoe doesn’t necessarily mean Big Mr. Magoo. (I heard that once from a former teammate and just liked it too much not to include here.)

Nonetheless, like the sight-challenged Mr. Magoo, I don’t see what else you can do here.  If he’s been “great” about trying other things and you’re still not happy, there doesn’t seem to be a solution for you. Six weeks is a problematic break for a couple.  All I can suggest is to be sure you’ve tried everything before you make a decision. Think outside the box. (Ba dum bum, rim shot.) No, but really, there are various sexual positions where a man can’t go too deep: spooning, sideways, sitting up and facing each other. Get The Complete Kama Sutra or something similar for more-detailed descriptions and illustrations.

There’s no doubt sex is a—ahem—big issue in a relationship. If it can’t be enjoyed, you know as well as anyone: size matters.

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