Whether you’re looking for romance or are already in a relationship, the seven secrets below are essential in having a healthy, intimate, romantic relationship. If you’re interested in getting great results, demystifying the dating process, and being the best you can be in a relationship, you’ve come to the right place.
1. Understand Your Role in a Relationship
There are two roles in an intimate romantic relationship. One is the masculine. The other is the feminine. Masculine people get what they want by asking and going for it. Feminine energies get what they want by honoring their feelings and saying “no” to what they don’t want.
I call these roles passengers and drivers. If you have two drivers, you’ll fight over the wheel. If you have two passengers, you’ll never get anywhere. So pick one and stick with it for at least the first two months. This way when your relationship goes off track (and believe me, it will) you can go back to your original “role” and get back on course.
2. Commit to the Relationship, Not the Person
Do your part and hope your partner does theirs. People are imperfect human beings. We all screw up. Therefore, commit to the relationship and not your partner. Your partner will disappoint you at times. (Sad, but true.) So it’s a good idea to have at least two reasons to stay in the relationship when you want to “kill ‘em.”
When I find myself asking, “What the (blank) was I thinking when I married this jerk?” I remember that Lorenzo cooks and I get free French and Italian lessons. For me, that’s good value.
3. If he/she is 51 percent ... Keep them
You’re probably thinking, “Wow. That’s low.” I hope you find someone who’s greater than 51 percent, but are days when your partner won’t rate a zero! (Hopefully those days are few!) In the overall package, if your partner is more “good” than “bad,” you’ve got a good deal. Recognize it and appreciate it.
4. Never “Trust” Anyone
People are SHOCKED when I tell them I don’t trust my husband. And it’s true, I don’t. (In fact, I don’t trust anyone.) My husband is human and humans say one thing, then turn around and do something different. (You know, like “I’m going to get in shape.” Then a month later, you still haven’t gotten to the gym.)
What I do is “take a risk” on my husband and have faith he’ll do what he says he’s going to do. As we keep our agreements to each other, we build a “trustworthy” relationship over time.
5. Conflict Builds Intimacy
Never be in relationship with anyone you don’t want to fight with, otherwise you risk building. It is through conflict and disagreement that we give ourselves the opportunity to understand more of the other person’s point of view.
My husband and I come from two different cultures. Our world-views often clash. Believe me, we’ve had MANY opportunities to build intimacy throughout our relationship! So don’t be afraid of conflict. In fact, making up can be fantastic!
6. Give Your Partner the “Right” to be “Wrong”
Communication is often the biggest key to relationship success. When you disagree, let your partner know that he/she has every right to think, feel, behave, react, etc. the way they do. Then express your feelings or thoughts about why you don’t agree. Finally, negotiate an agreement with each other of what you will (or won’t) accept. If you can’t reach an agreement, recognize you may be done.
7. Stay As Long As the Love Shall Last
Knowing when to leave a relationship is as valuable as knowing how to stay. If you can’t make and keep agreements or you’re in a relationship that is physically or verbally abusive, get out a.s.a.p.! Traditional wedding vows have couples staying “until death do us part.”
At our wedding ceremony, I said, “I’ll stay as long as the love shall last.” (The justice marrying us almost dropped his book!) What I meant was, I’ll stay until the death of our relationship. Whether it’s physical death or the death of our love. I will stay as long as there’s “energy” on our relationship. If it turns to apathy and empathy, time to go.