In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you I don’t have a penis. But I’ve had enough favorable encounters with male genitalia to make me a die-hard fan. From the beginning of my sexual experience I’ve been driven to figure out just how all those magical man parts work—and I know you've been curious about how to please your man, too. And yet so many of my female friends—even those who consider themselves very sexually skilled—have scant understanding of what makes their men tick in bed, either because they’re daunted by the otherness of the male equipment or because they don’t find it as “beautiful” as what we have. Just trust me, ladies: penises are gorgeous and fascinating, and knowing how they work will make sex so much more incredible for both you and your partner.
Size Doesn’t Matter ... That Much
We women make men so insecure about the lengths and girths of their penises when, in reality, satisfaction can’t be measured. In my sexual salad days I would rant to my girlfriends about facing both baby carrot-size equipment and slabs of man meat the size of hangar steaks, as I believed both extremes were equally no-gos. But now that I’ve had enough experiences with penises of all different lengths, girths, and shapes, I realize that it really just comes down to using what your mama gave you. There are so many different sexual positions. Experiment with all of them and find out which ones accommodate you and your partner and maximize pleasure for both. Size ain’t nothin’ but a number.
Hit the Spots
Just like women, men have their sweet spots, and stimulating them manually or orally will make your guy writhe with pleasure. The frenulum (the ridge right under the tip of the penis), base (right above the testicles), and perineum (right under the testicles) are all incredibly sensitive and feel really, really, really good when you touch them with your tongue or fingers. Every man is different, so make sure you talk to your man openly about what he likes, but you generally want to pay some very special attention to these important areas.
Before I found a loving and patient partner to explain exactly how his equipment works, I was scared to touch men the wrong way. The penis hangs out there so uncovered and vulnerable, I thought. What if I hurt it? This is another situation in which communication is key. Like a skilled masseuse, you want to make sure the pressure’s right; you want a grip that is tight, but not overly so. And once you get comfortable, don’t be afraid to take charge.
When going down on a man, remember that his penis shouldn’t. If a man is erect, it’s incredibly painful for him to point his penis in any other direction than out or up. And don’t ever try to bend it! You can actually break a penis the same way you would break the cartilage in your nose. (I’m crossing my legs in sympathy pains just thinking about it!)
A Clear-Cut Guide to Circumcision
I was staggered by my first encounter with an uncircumcised penis. All the parts I knew what to do with were hiding from me. Turns out it’s not that hard. You just tug the skin back a little and you’re good to go. Circumcised penises are actually a little more complex. Not every man is cut the same way, and if your guy doesn’t have enough of his foreskin left to move around, you’ll have to use lube when stroking him to replace the natural lubricant the foreskin provides.
A Note on Plumbing
Something I wondered about until it was finally explained to me is how pee and semen can come out of the same hole. The answer proves that men’s equipment is biologically sophisticated and just plain awesome. The penis actually knows when to switch pipes between urine and semen when a man is aroused. After ejaculation, it switches back, but sometimes the transition isn’t seamless. That’s why men often have trouble aiming after sex and may choose to sit down and pee instead.
Do Your Balls Hang Low?
Ever notice that your man looks a little different on warm days? His testicles have a built-in thermostat that causes them to rise and fall according to the outside temperature. Hot out? They’ll be hanging low. Chilly? They’ll retreat back into the warmth of his body. So don’t be surprised if your guy appears, ahem, more ample in July than in December.
Mind Your Penis Q’s
The penis gets a bad rap in popular culture. Whereas Georgia O’Keeffe likened vaginas to beautiful flowers, the penis has a reputation for being a mere hunk of man meat at best, and an impetus to dumb or immoral actions at worst. But the penis is actually a fascinating and sophisticated part of your partner’s body that’s worth getting to know.