We Hear You! Letters from Our April 2013 issue

by MORE • Editors
julia louis-dreyfus cover image

It's fresh, and shows your wonderful aura and personality--not to mention your better than ever beauty.

Brava,
--Debbi Smith

Dear Sandy,
I just read your piece in MORE magazine and while I've never done this before, I had to write and say THANK YOU. I'm following about ten years behind you, as a 40-year-old breadwinner with small children and an amazing husband who opened a martial arts school after being downsized a few years ago. (Although, to be truthful, I've always significantly out-worked and out-earned him.)
You described all the petty things I struggle with. The sense of "fairness," the tallying up who does more (me, always me!)... and OH, the resentment of having to put myself together for a high-level job on a mid-level budget, when all the other directors have manicures and new shoes (and twice the disposable income)! On my worst days, I feel like a chump. On my best days, I realize we're pioneers in some ways, and setting the right example for my daughter and son.
Just this morning my husband and I had one of our talks - - the only thing holding us together is honest communication and a lot of humor. Yet again, we hashed out redistributing the chores and the free time - - making sure the workload still works for both of us. (I recently left a great full time job to freelance, which is scary and wonderful all at the same time. But I still out-earn him several times over.)
Anyway - no need to reply to this. I just wanted you to know how much your words resonated, and how grateful I am for an honest perspective on how tough it really can be to subvert traditional gender roles.
Thanks so very much,
--Sara Stinski
 

Hi Lesley, just read your "letter from the Editor" in the April MORE, and wanted to respond to the "We all age" statement.  Just before my 70th birthday, I was asked how I felt about being that momentous age!

I had just heard Laura Linney say in an interview that she and her friend Jamie Lee Curtis are  planning to "just grow old gracefully" because "Aging is a PRIVILEGE; NOT everybody gets to do it!" So that's now my "mantra"!

I also think of my mother saying, "I look in the mirror and I can't believe what I see...because I'm still the same little kid on the inside!"  Now I get it!

So I just wanted to share my thoughts with you...I'm a very active New Yorker, and I , too, am trying to grow old gracefully, enjoying all that life has to offer!   I feel very lucky! 
--Dede Rothenberg

Hi Lesley,

So enjoy each issue of MORE. Only one thing bothers me--the very small  font type used in many of your features articles. I realize the necessity of squeezing as much on a page as possible. Just please keep in mind that your magazine is geared to women who "might" need reading glasses. Thank for a great magazine.  
--Jane Gillis

I was not sure where to send a comment on an article in your April issue, so I am taking a chance and sending it to this email address.

Regarding the article What's fueling Mommy Wars? I just want to say STOP! I really wish women would STOP judging each others decisions and SUPPORT each other. I am tired of the working Mom versus the stay at home Mom battle. Both are making the BEST decision for them, so let it be.

I just became a stay at home Mom, of 7 month old twin girls. And after leaving a 25 year career, I am elated that I made the decision to stay at home. I am an older Mom and nothing right now is more important to me than loving and rearing my girls. When I do return work, and I will, I will make sure the work I chose is meaningful enough that it is worth leaving my girls for.

So I wish for all the Mom's of the world is stop the fighting, stop the judging and learn to respect, love and support each other.

Thanks for letting me vent!
--Juliette Atwi

Good afternoon,

I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate the magazine; I took part in a survey awhile back and complained that you don’t offer a conservative woman’s point of view.

What’s your reaction?

Comments

Tracy Rozler08.20.2013

I was just cleaning my car and found my April 2013 issue. I started re-reading when I remembered the Mommy Wars article. I was a recently left my full-time job to stay home with the kids. Although my children are a little older, I would have gone broke paying for summer camp and was tired of working in a less then professional environment. Although I remember sitting at my desk wishing I was home enjoying the summer, I now, can't help wishing I was working again! I love my family, but staying home full-time is WAY TO HARD, no where to get away, no lunch break and no paycheck. I think working balances things. I can't wait to find a new career. I think my kids will be happy too.

CA LeClair07.12.2013

My first issue of MORE -
I'm begging you on all professional levels no more pictures of women fighting. The Mommy Wars was an embarrassment to the magazine. We are grownups. We all love our children/teens/young adults - we are working together with the same goals in mind. I feel your magazine should apologize to your paying readers for the thoughtless photos.

Lulu Kovic05.19.2013

I read the article "Obsessed With Food". "One skinny, one heavy"? No. Mika Brzezinski is not skinny. At 5'6" and weighing 133 pounds, her BMI is 21.5, which places her squarely in the healthy, normal range. "Skinny" is a pejorative word for people who are extremely thin. It is not a relative term dependent on how big others become. It's bad enough that vanity sizing has pushed some women into the realm of the 00, resulting in jokes about how they are "nothing". Please don't compound the problem by calling women with a healthy, normal BMI "skinny".

Shawn 05.01.2013

I read the article about "Illness Changes Everything" but what I find disturbing about this story was that Ms. Sands did not attempt to start her activewear company in the US. There are so many American blue collar workers who would be thrilled to work for an American company here in the US. Instead, she went to Asia and, as the article mentioned, paid for custom charges, overseas shipment charges, and probably even more charges not mentioned in the article, to get her goods here from Asia. i wish her continued success but I feel that US entrepreneurs think about American jobs, American factories and Americans before immediately going overseas.

Kathleen 04.30.2013

Having both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom in both my daughter and daughter-in-law, I was particularly interested in your article The Mommy Wars. As I looked at the survey results I found it interesting the references made to children/kids in each of the responses since it is their welfare that is the most important factor. First, in the working mom's response column there was, "They don't understand why some women must work full time even when they have children" and "They can be over involved in their children's lives." On the other side of the issue were the stay-at-home mother's responses; "Their kids suffer", "They use the excuse they have to work to avoid being involved in their children's lives", "Someone else is raising their children", "The kids get the brunt of the stress from the workplace taken out on them." The SAHMs responses outnumber the working moms by 4 to 2 with a greater number of references centered on the child/children. What was also illuminating was when the men took sides in the More/Citi survey. “Men believed that SAHMs are better mothers, have better-behaved kids, are happier, have more difficult jobs and are better role models for their children. In conflict with this, “Men also say they respect WMs more and think they work harder and have a more exciting life.” Once again, I see the men’s perspective centered more favorably for the children with the stay-at-home mother.
I think Sarah Jessica Parker pretty much nails the debate for me when she recently told Elle while discussing the parenting style she and husband, Matthew Broderick, employ. “We’re pretty hands-on parents. That’s something that’s important to both of us, and we don’t shirk it, because what’s the point in having a family if you’re not going to really participate in it, you know?”

Mary 04.27.2013

I too feel like More has gone down the 30 something road and is playing more toward the younger crowd. I have been reading More since it's inception like most of these commenter's and probably won't be renewing my subscription when it ends in 2014. Also can you please stop putting the stinky perfume ads in the magazine, I'm not sensitive to perfumes but the entire time I am trying to read the magazine it stinks to high heaven even after it's been torn out and disposed of. If I want to smell perfume I'll go to the store, anymore I end up throwing the magazine away without finishing it because of the smell.

04.19.2013

I just received my May, 2013 issue and have to pass on my kudos: Excellent, Excellent, EXCELLENT! I was most impressed with your article on Rebel Priests. Can I say "You Go Girl!"?
As a former Catholic myself, I left the church when I got remarried. I had divorced my first husband because of verbal abuse and KNEW I had made the right choice as I felt Jesus' arms wrap around me the moment I said to my ex "I want a divorce". My reason for the divorce was not just for myself, but also for my two daughters. I knew I did not want my daughters to grow up thinking that was how a husband should treat a wife.
I tried to continue to go to Catholic mass, however it absolutely broke my heart to go up to communion and be denied "Jesus' body and blood". I was taught that if you did not take communion you were shunning the Lord, so what did this tell me when they wouldn't allow me to have it? I was no longer worthy, that I was nothing.
I would walk up there, cross my arms across my chest awaiting a blessing from the priest (the only alternative the Catholic church offers), and then I’d walk back to the pew with tears in my eyes every time. I thought this feeling would pass, but it did not.
I knew this was NOT God's grace, nor how Jesus showed his love. And I would not ask for an annulment...my daughters were still spending some time with their Dad and I knew he would make life miserable for the girls if I dragged him through the process. I couldn't put them through it.
I continue on, living my life believing in the Holy Trinity…loving life and God, and trying to be a good Christian. I’ve had my hurdles with health issues, but persist on living as graciously as possible.
Again, I thank you for your article, I admire these Rebel Priests - they are truly the most strong, incredible women I have read about. It is incredibly difficult to stand up for what you believe is right - especially when it comes to one’s faith, which is the rock upon which you stand.
Patty O (www.athankfullyimperfectwoman.com)

Lynda B04.15.2013

Like others have mentioned, I started subscribing to MORE in my 40's, and am now 63. I am still slim, fashionable, used cosmetics but the target age of your magazine now seems to be late 30's - 40's. I am not sure I will renew my subscription when it expires. Regarding your article on Julia Louis-Dreyfus, she is a talented and attractive woman, but at over 50, do we really need to see her boobs pushed up and exposed? Honestly, if I saw anyone I knew who is around that age dressed in that way, I would laugh and wonder why she feels she has to use her body for attention. She is not a 20-something pop star.

Marilyn 04.05.2013

I have been enjoying More Magazine since its inception, but lately it seems your focus is changing. We who began enjoying the magazine "celebrating women over 40" from its earliest days have moved on to our 60's (only chronologically). April's issue touted "This is what 30, 40, 50 looks like" on its cover. Are you forgetting us?


Dear Lesley,
I was irate after reading Sandy Hingston's "My Husband Wasn't Earning His Keep." With more and more women outearning their husbands, the solution to women's bitterness, resentment, and passive-aggressive hostility toward their stay-at-home or financially under-performing husbands is NOT the wish-fulfillment of a fairy tale princess being swept up by prince charming who returns to college to earn a second degree so he can split the bills 50-50, but to change one's attitude toward that very same husband whether or not he chooses to abandon his career to provide for his family.
Men should be valued for who they are, not what they provide. In this post-feminist culture, I find it very hypocritical to want the feminine power of financial freedom along with the financial spoiling of a husband who provides for his family. Providing does not have to mean "money." It can mean taking care of the children, the household, or even one's emotional needs.
Shame on you for not finding the true solution to this very real problem. Women's attitudes toward their husbands need to change in regards to finances or else we risk killing all the progress we have made by settling for what we want without consideration for what our husbands desire.
Angela Lam Turpin

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