As a father who works part-time and does a lot of the child care, I read your article on the "mommy wars" with interest. My wife works long hours in a demanding and rewarding career at which she excels. But clearly she and many other professional women face scrutiny into their choices about family life, in a way that their male colleagues do not. What I find particularly frustrating is that much of this scrutiny comes from other women, whether intimate relations or the distant voices heard in the media.
Dads are easier on each other, in my experience. My daughter and I often socialize with other dads who are the primary caregivers of their children. Some of us have chosen to be stay-at-home dads, while others have embraced the role out of necessity because of job loss. Whatever our stories, I have found that fathers tend to have a friendly and sharing relationship with each other. I don't see the SAHDs comparing each other's parenting skills, nor do I see them disparaging the choices of the dads who are working longer hours. We just try to make the best of our situation - to do what is best for our children and our relationship with them - and that seems to be enough. I am saddened that mothers seem unable to find such solidarity in their own lives as parents.
When women criticize working mothers, implicitly they also criticize the SAHDs to whom some of them are married. The lack of respect faced by the SAHD generally doesn't come from other dads - many dads working long hours outside the home envy us! The greatest challenge for a SAHD is to find a way into the female-centered infrastructure of children's activities. Working women complain about being invited to a playgroup at 1:00 pm, but the SAHD might not get invited at all. Perhaps if we had more support for men in this role, we would also be less critical of women who choose to make their contribution to their families in the workforce.
I have never written to a magazine editor but I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you how much I am enlightened by your magazine. I share the information I absorb every month with my 27 year old daughter because I want her to see how professional, intelligent women think, dream and succeed in this world. And how they continue to grow, inspire and reinvent themselves at any age. So many magazines who target women seem to be more concerned with their advertisers or trendy stuff. I think your magazine is well rounded. I am a real estate agent and my daughter is an attorney. I was a stay at home Mom when my children were young, which I feel was a blessing, but I have since divorced and returned full force into the workplace. The articles in your magazine inspire me to do well.
May I ask one favor. At some point in time , could you explore the topic of successful women dating after age 50? I feel like I am still in high school and I had hoped that men had evolved by this age! I really enjoyed your article on the different types of relationships.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
--Joan E. Heller
I thoroughly enjoy MORE, it is smart, classy and the perfect blend of what women in the real world want to read about.
However, I took exception to parts of “The Yes, No, Maybe, Never Fashion Guide in your March issue; particularly the age specific yes, no, maybe, never.
Ripped jeans are not acceptable after age 50? I disagree. On a walk recently I spotted a woman who was probably in or entering her seventh decade.
I saw her trying to get a young man out of her vehicle and into a wheelchair; it was apparent this young man was severely handicapped, so I offered to help.
She smiled and told me she was fine and didn't need any help, it was obvious she had done this many times before, with love.
She wore western style boots, jeans that were fashionably ripped and a straw hat. She radiated a quiet confidence and looked beautiful, for any age.
Conversely, I have seen younger women who because of personality or body type should probably not be wearing things that are deemed appropriate for their age.
Fashion should be fun and a reflection of who we are and where we've been, not how long it took to get there.
--Samantha Frazier Gordon