I really enjoyed reading your letter in the September issue: A cut the crap guide to midlife friendship. I am 52 years old and have 2 kids in high school. Many of the friends that I had when my kids were younger are no longer my friends. The friends that require constant attention, have the kids that do no wrong and appear to have the perfect life, are the ones to stay away from. Unfortunately I had to learn that the hard way. I hope at 52 I have become a little smarter. Now I am trying to pass some of this information along to my 16 year old daughter (also information on boys to stay away from). I don’t know if she will listen to me at this point in her life, but maybe later she will look back and think that her Mom was right about some things.
Thanks and love the magazine,
Nancy Talkington, Houston, TX
I just read your letter regarding midlife friendship. It was interesting, because the friends I have made in my midlife are my closest friends. We became friends through work connections: I am an orthopedic surgeon, Joan is a neurosurgeon, and Kathleen is a pediatric anesthesiologist in South Jersey. We are all in our late 40's and have been friends for 10 years. When we first met, we all hit it off because we have crazy hectic lives that other people can't really relate to: 2 of us own our own practices, 2 of us have 4 kids and an ex-husband each, one of us has 2 kids, one of us has a child with special needs and we have all had our most recent child in our mid-forties. We are all heads of the household, major breadwinners, and love to have fun. We have travelled together- our best trip was to Vegas where we were mistaken for "ladies of the evening"! We go through thick and thin together, and are there to emotionally support each other. We have a girl's weekend every summer where we go down the shore and have fun adventures, and discuss things like what drives us to keep going, and where our next trip will be (we are going to Greece/Turkey to celebrate our 50th birthdays!).
Thanks for getting me thinking about how important these friends are to me!
--Dr. Laura Ross
As I just finished reading your editorial, I realized just how true your statements are. I find myself now dragged away from my homeland of the good ole small town USA after many years with lifelong friends to be transported to live in Shanghai, China. Now that my children are no longer childlike, one is actually at NYU, and the other a senior here in high school, I find myself looking for friends outside the "kids zone."
I have learned that life is too short to surround yourself with friends who don't instantly give off the right fit! Like shoes or a great pair of jeans, we look for a good fit, comfort, and flexibility.
Here in China, I have surrounded myself with women of all ages and races who do just that. We find ourselves here in a culture that shifts constantly as people move in and out on average about every 2 years; therefore, we don't waste time on the "fad type jeans.”
When we do leave this place in the future, I hope to cling to a lesson learned about friendship, one that you so adequately stated in your column! I have learned that I can make new friends yet I will find the right fit! Thanks for affirming what I have now learned at age (soon to be 50).
Admittedly, I have not heard of More Magazine before and was surprised to find an issue in my mailbox.
While walking up the driveway, while the magazine was still in plastic, I had a feeling I was going to love the magazine for the sheer fact that Diane Lane has, of all things, crow’s feet, ON THE COVER. I immediately was intrigued at what this magazine had in store for me as I recently decided to not renew my subscriptions to Glamour and Cosmopolitan.