I have officially become an old lady. I had an inkling two years ago when I hurt my back doing push-ups and now have had it medically confirmed. The diagnosis is not “Old Lady” or the Latin “Antiques Femma,” but sciatica. If you remember The Beverly Hillbillies, Granny suffered from "sciatica," which is why I associate it with old "ladiedom".

I am trying to keep my sense of humor about my condition and do not mean to be frivolous or insensitive to any other suffers. The bottom line is sciatica is a catch-all phrase for various back problems involving the sciatic nerve. In a nutshell, it hurts and can be debilitating, hence my attempt to find the humor in it!

To embrace my new status as Old Lady I have accepted some guidelines:

1. Wear lace up sneakers at all times. The look can be sporty or funky and many shoes are fashionable.

2. No Fashion Modeling. Not too hard to avoid. I have been advised not to arch my back and models do that a lot.

3. Avoid Certain Exercises/Moves. Cobra, stretching in a doorway, getting out from the backseat of a two-door compact car are all off limits. I call shotgun!

4. Avoid Heavy Lifting. Anything more than a 15 pound — baby, dog or cat — is going to have to jump into my lap.

5. Avoid Repetitive Motions. No vacuuming or washing floors/windows, and lots of house cleaning jobs.

Granny Clampett did well on The Beverly Hillbillies so I am using her as my role model. I think my shoes will look better! Any sciatica sufferers help wanted.