How a Fellow 40-Year-Old in a Tiny Village in Ecuador Taught Me That Age Really Is Just a Number

Aimee Cebulski's international travels helped her make peace with her age, and now she's inspiring others to do the same

by Aimee Cebulski • The Finding 40 Project
aimee cebulski photo
Photograph: Aimee Cebulski

A little over two years ago, I traveled to California's wine country to celebrate a dear friend's arrival at the big 4-0. It was a festive and celebratory weekend, complete with endless toasting the fact that age is just a number.

On the return voyage home, our group discussed my pending arrival at 40; I was next on the list to join the club. All my friends knew of my love of traveling and wanted to know what trip I would take to celebrate my milestone. 

After thinking on my options for a while, I came to the conclusion that it would be much more interesting to see what 40 meant to other women, in other parts of the world; was it just a number? My favorite souvenir from every trip I have ever taken is a glimpse into other people's lives, an appreciation for how diverse this world really is.

I decided my 40th would not be about me, but rather a celebration of all the women out there, all facing their own challenges as we mark this milestone in our lives. For the past two years, I've been traveling whenever possible, interviewing as many women as I could, all marking the big 4-0 like I was. The compilation of their stories came together in a book I called The Finding 40 Project (www.finding40.net). 

The project started just as a blog, documenting the travels and photos of women I met along the way. In the end, I interviewed and photographed more than 30 women in 10 different countries, all just turned or about to turn 40.It's a diverse set of professional women, stay at home moms, entrepreneurs and even those living in tiny villages far from major cities. Several became mothers later in life; one even marries at 40 and is expecting her first child just after turning 41. 

No matter what their situation, many were seeking ways to live their best life and be happy and content at 40. After all the interviews and sorting through thousands of photographs, what did I learn from the project?

Be grateful for your health: Women interviewed in poorer countries or those struggling to make ends meet constantly stressed the value in being able to function physically and where possible have control over your own reproductive destiny.

Roll with the punches:  Many of my interviewees never thought they would be mothers and oftentimes motherhood came by accident. However, everyone universally said that it was a great addition to their lives and they felt blessed that their life took this path.

Be true to yourself: Some women, who have chosen not to have children yet or are thinking about not having any at all, struggle with societal pressure, especially in heavily Catholic countries, and urge others to follow their own heart when it comes to what they really want.

Everyone worries about money, they just do it in different ways: Economic pressures are a key factor for many women who might already have one child or more, and at 40 are thinking about becoming pregnant again -- the effect of more children after 40 can have a higher impact on things like retirement planning or resource allocation in developing countries than it might for younger mothers. Whether you have a lot of money and need to think about how to keep it, or almost none at all and need to find some, everyone worries about money.

Where you are born matters: As a female, much of your destiny is determined by the place on the map you call home. Despite all our problems and challenges, I personally feel being born as a woman in the United States is like winning the birth lottery. We may have equality and discrimination issues, but our access to education, healthcare and freedom truly cannot be understated.

The entire process was fascinating, inspiring and humbling. I had the opportunity to talk to women like Mala in India, who found out she was HIV positive at age 30 after her husband died of AIDS; she's now finding 40, trying to live long enough to see her two children finish school and move on with families of their own.

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Comments

mark rushworth05.06.2014

Inspirational. I'm fast approaching the four-word (no kids yet) and its comforting knowing other people are as neurotic as I.

Roxanne 12.05.2013

I love the insight and especially the viral connection you've created. I am moving toward the big 50 now, and looking back on 40, I wish I had more perspective than just my gfs then. Thanks for the words of wisdom :)

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