A wise spiritual teacher once told me that human beings have two goals in life: first to avoid pain, and the second, to seek pleasure. This most basic and profound truth has manifested itself in various ways in my life, but never so profoundly as in the realm of sexual encounter. Romanticizing, fantasizing, and indulging in mental foreplay can act as a catalyst to my main objective: the fully engulfed and consumed organ of love and friction, pleasure and penetration, which only the object of my immediate affections can provide. For those few hours, my life slips away with its problems, its stresses, its finances, its familial obligations, and I am free to lose myself in one pleasurable sensation after another as I allow the waves of ecstasy to wash over me until I am completely relaxed and entirely satiated. The experience of two souls joined, even briefly, forms a unique and distinct bond that supersedes and transcends the monotony and loneliness of human existence and is truly a miracle salve for the solitary and independent woman.
Affairs begin long before the first physical maneuver takes place. Designed to procreate, we have instincts that propel us into the arms (and other body parts) of our fellow humans. Eyes meet, synapses in the brain begin to fire, and possibilities are examined; all before one single word is spoken. Our gray matter, the largest sex organ we possess, has already strategically assessed the feasibility of this most intimate joining of two souls and bodies as one. Long after the ability to reproduce has been relinquished, we still desire the connectedness that occurs during this tenuous and passionate event simply called “sex.” And there is nothing on Earth that comes close to being its equal!
But there is a flipside to this little bit of heaven: attitudes and judgments in regard to the casual encounter are varied, and for women, a double standard still exists. Being a smoker, or obscenely overweight, does not compare to the criticisms dished out to the sexually independent woman. This condemnation forces me into a certain type of secrecy, a double-lifestyle that cannot help but include the fear of discovery which perpetuates the shame attached to one of the most beautiful and sensual experiences of our human existence. Life can be hard, people! We need sex to redeem us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is no secret that frequency of sex prolongs life and adds to our sense of wellbeing. Studies have shown the benefits of this sensual nutrient and conversely, the lack of it. The happiest marriages I have seen involve an active sexual component; while the unhappiest of couples are malnourished and starved. Yes, sex is good for us and to us!
Opportunities for the sexually independent woman are not always abundant, and feast or famine is the rule. Lately, I have been feasting, and this bit of medicinal therapy has helped me to explore my needs as a fit sexual being. I have come to the conclusion that we each need to feel connected and to allow the comfort of intimate human touch. Women and men have a need to know that they are desirable and wanted. In spite of the societal stigmas that abound, a healthy diet of sleep, nutritious food, exercise, and sex, all make for a winning combination. So the next time you run into that single man (or woman), pay attention to the twinkle in their eye and the rate of your pulse…you may have the discreet opportunity to contribute to their overall health, as well as your own!