Sex After Divorce

by Deborah O’Brien • More.com Member { View Profile }

I had been sleeping with the same man for 17 years.  I’m only 37.  Do the math.  We were kids when we got together and we learned about our bodies and our sexuality through trial and error, giggles and goofiness.  Even as the years rolled by, and the sex became a little boring and a lot less frequent, our bodies aged, the birth of babies ravaged stomach, breasts and ass… there was a comfort level, a trust  knowing that the person touching you held a vision of  you at your best.  There was nothing to hide.  They had seen and shared it all.

So the idea of starting over, with someone new, seemed daunting to say the least.  Impossible really.  I had this image of myself, slowly stripping off various pieces of clothing, apologizing the entire time. Oh hell, maybe we could just turn the lights off?

Yet, even as I was imagining the worst…(a half naked man running screaming out the door?) I was excited by the prospect of experiencing something new.  I hadn’t had many sexual partners, prior to getting married, so this was going to be a grand adventure.  And as I embarked on my journey, all I could think was… I better get drunk first.

It wasn’t love, it never is in these kinds of situations, but it was glorious all the same.  I called my best friend the very next day and screamed at her through the phone “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?  I’VE BEEN HAVING BAD SEX FOR 17 YEARS!”  Needless to say she was shocked.  This was the friend that clued me in just recently that they had invented this really cool new form of birth control called the ring.  I had raced to my GP and got my new contraceptive right away only to realize they had forgotten to put the instructions in with the packaging.  This was the best buddy I called from the bathroom crying “what do I do with it now?”  She was my confidante and my go to girl for knowledge of all things good and wonderful in the world.  How had she not mentioned the sex thing???  I guess it had just never come up.

Boy did I have a lot of catching up to do.  I felt so good… I figured next time… I might even turn the lights on.

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