Divorce after 23 years of marriage is both horrible and liberating. My husband and I met at Yale Law School and for 20-plus years led a marvelous life: two beautiful daughters, great jobs, super friends, and a chance to live in California, Connecticut and Texas. The bumps along the way were manageable until year 21. Suddenly, we couldn't talk to each other, romance was gone, sex never happened, we started sleeping in separate bedrooms, and then the fighting started. We couldn't have a discussion without loud, ugly words creeping in, and the children were in the middle of it all. Looking back, there was enough fault to go around; we were both guilty of giving up on our marriage.
In 2007 we got divorced, and the acrimony between two lawyers made the movie The War of the Roses look like a Disney film. For two years, we didn't talk or email, all communications regarding the children were by fax only! We both dated, and frankly, even though I was 50, I loved it. I had been a hard core "nerd" in college and law school and suddenly had some free time and a great social life. Along the way, I met some men who are still great friends of mine, and I am thankful to each one for making me feel desirable. But my ex-husband was still number one in my heart, and I couldn't get over him. One day, I received an amazing letter from my ex in the mail. He expressed how much I meant to him, how he missed me and our family, and how after two years he wanted to try again. I was floored! We started dating and quickly fell back into our relationship, much improved. We tried to revive the good parts and fiercely tried to avoid giving into our bad habits.
It worked. In January, we remarried. I am 52 years old and feel like a 20-something newlywed again. Our relationship is better than ever although we certainly have tough times. This time around however, we discuss our issues before they get out of control and every night I thank God and Karma that I have found my soulmate again and that my age and experience gave me the wisdom to follow my heart.