For the last few weeks, it seems as thou ever where I turned, I have butt up against major road blocks. These blocks have sprung up in a number of different places. And I wasn’t sure whether they were, spiritual opposition or just a run of good old fashion bad luck. In the past I never really put much credence in Good or Bad Luck! Seeing that I never received or won a thing I didn’t have to work or pray extremely hard for. I attribute the Good Lord, to any of my achievements or successes in life. But for some reason I was not seeing any evidence of a break through.
It all started when my brand new laptop went on the blink! Leaving me without the necessary tools of the trade. Sure, like most American households we have been blessed to have more than one computer. Thou I was still able to have access, it was just another inconvenience that heightened my overall dread, about doing the work, being timely and creative, when ever the spirit moved me. And on top of all that, for the last few weeks, all I’ve been doing is playing catch up from day to day, spraining to express myself. I call that writer’s block…a dirty word to anyone in my line in work.
It didn’t take long for me to begin to feel walled in, which lead to me starting to question and doubt my ability as a writer. How in the world was I going to be able to compete in such a competitive music and film industry. In the 7 years I’ve been having this on going affair with words, the sparks in our relationship have always flown. Could I be burned out before I even reached my new found destination? Before, I started on this career change, I just wrote for the sheer desire to do it, to get it out, the emotions, I was feeling, the stories I believed God was telling me. I would always tell my husband that if nobody ever read my work, I knew my kids would, eventually, even if it was because they missed me after I died! There was no reason or rhyme and definitely no deadlines involved in my need to write. I truly believed He had called me to write, seeing that at 39 (and I’m now 46), I just woke up, after 20 years in the fashion industry and began to write.
I was asking God what the heck was going on, but I wasn’t getting what He was trying to tell me. I was so concerned about getting my work done, on time, that I completely over looked the fact that I was beginning to turn my CALL into a J.O.B. God is really amazing, He knows how to get His point across, to even the dullest of His beloved children. In one of my dispute moments with God, begging for answers, this is the scripture He lead me to, Exodus 32:16, "The tables were the work of God and the writing was the writing of God, engraved upon the tablets." It finally hit me, my ABILITY has absolutely nothing to do with the work I’m doing, and whether it gets done…its all about HIM doing it through me! All I have to do is relax and allow myself to be used as the scribes of old. Striving to do YOUR work only leads to burnout and the absence of JOY.
And get this! I tried to turn my laptop on today…and it booted right up! My oldest daughter came in from school and told me she had been checking it on a regular bases, to see if it would work. To her dismay it didn’t…until to day! Before walking away she said, "Maybe God thought you needed a break, Mom". Yeah…a breakthrough. What came to mind after I muttered a quick thank you God prayer is…if it ain’t broke…don’t YOU try to fix it!
What A Block Head,