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The Lazy Woman's Guide to Reinvention

If the mere thought of making over your life induces a hot flash, try one of these low-key alternatives.
By Karen Karbo

I used to marvel at people who could reinvent themselves in midlife. Like the woman I once read about who quit her job at a brokerage firm and bought a 1,000-acre spread in Wyoming to run her own guest ranch. What determination! What bravery! What disposable income! "How terrific it must be," I thought, "to just stop being a person who carries a briefcase and start being someone who gets up at four a.m. to muck out stalls."

How did she do it? I have no clue. Like many women I know, I have trouble remembering where I left the novel I'll never finish reading, so it's unlikely that I'll move to Istria (the Tuscany of Croatia) and renovate an 800-year-old farmhouse while learning to harvest truffles. You see, when it comes to the desire to reinvent myself, I am below average. My kind are not hyperorganized alpha reinventers but unfocused, exhausted, and weirdly content women who believe there are too many satisfying things to be done in a bathrobe, such as finding and reading the aforementioned novel.

What we do possess is an abundance of self-knowledge. Translation: We are smart enough to know that to reinvent ourselves might mean moving, which also means filling out those change-of-address forms no one ever heeds, putting all of our belongings in storage, or entering an internship program -- all of which would seriously impede our watching Law & Order reruns and mastering five-star-difficulty sudokus. Of course, everyone could use a little change now and then, so in the spirit of no midlife woman left behind, I offer three re's for the reinvention challenged.

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Remodel

This is the equivalent of spending 20 grand to redo a kitchen rather than buy a new house. To remodel your life might mean taking a class, but never going for a degree. You will not be required to become fluent in Farsi or learn how to insert an artery stent. In other words, remodeling takes motivation, but not nearly as much as a full-scale reinvention requires. If you're a veterinarian, rather than close your practice to become a real estate agent (reinvention), you remodel yourself as a Cesar Millan-style dog whisperer.

Be careful. Remodeling can be easily confused with reinvention. Remodelers redo themselves by improving the selves they know. They never risk going into therapy, which could produce a life-changing epiphany. A friend who worked for years managing a local theater troupe recently quit to form her own company. This is an example of a judicious remodel. But had she decided to cash in her IRA to take acting lessons and remake herself into a star of stage and screen, that would have been, well, just plain stupid.

Refurbish

I like to think of refurbishment as slapping on a new coat of paint, because it's all about appearances. Instead of signing up for an online book group devoted to reading the works of Proust in one year, you opt for a set of porcelain veneers. It means saying yes to Botox, along with anything else that can be filed under the heading "Makeover." The refurbisher knows that with the proper attitude, a great new pair of boots can produce something akin to a spiritual awakening.

A refurbishment is just the ticket for the short-attention-span crowd. It never entails learning a new skill, although you may be asked to do the hard work of imagining yourself as a platinum blonde or someone who can wear dreadlocks with elan. You might say, "I'm not that superficial, just overwhelmed with the thought of dumping my life to summit Everest." But refurbishment is the re of choice for those who want the quickest return on their investment. If you're unconvinced, splurge on Lasik surgery and then get back to me.

Reframe

The successful reframist changes absolutely nothing about her life; she simply reframes the way she thinks about it. Let's say you're an aspiring novelist who makes a living working in human resources for a computer start-up. Rather than berate yourself for failing to have written that best-seller, think of all the fans you won't have to fend off and the nice nest egg you'll have when your company goes public. Are you the mother of a horrendous trio of video-game-playing teens who view taking out the garbage as a major imposition? There is cause for joy. Those sullen slackers who will never get into a decent college in a million years are just typical young folk whose lack of ambition will actually save you loads of money.

In short, reframists know how to take a fresh, appreciative look at what is. If she has pin-straight hair, she decides that all chic women have sleek hair. If she has curls that make her look like the sister of Hagrid, she rejoices in the fact that she will never have to buy Women's Rogaine. To opt for a reframe is to not change one bloody thing, but as our sainted mothers once urged, to be glad for what we have.

Beyond Reinvention

Frankly, there's nothing beyond reinvention, except possibly resurrection or reincarnation. The Jesuits have an ancient maxim: "Give me the child until he is seven, and I will give you the man." What this roughly means is that if you weren't into self-reinvention by second grade, you're probably not going to be the go-getter who closes her chiropractic office at 47 to enter local politics.

Still, reinvention is in the air, and like most communicable viruses, it's impossible to avoid. Even I've been infected. Last year, in a remodeling move, I bought a horse and partially reinvented myself as an equestrienne. It's going well, but I'd be lying if I said the sight of myself in breeches didn't have me thinking about scurrying back into my bathrobe.

Originally published in MORE magazine, April 2007.

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judyth_ann wrote:
One gal's lazy woman is another gal's Goddess. It's all about attitude - as in adjustment. This yearning to reinvent ourselves at 40 and beyond finds it's roots in having been daughters, wives and mothers for the first half of our lives. These are not just titles, they are job descriptions with the "reports to" implied. Reinventing in these midlife years is about reporting to ourselves - finally! In words more famous than mine, "To thine own self be true." If a bathrobe, a good book and a quiet sanctuary in which to read is your Tuscany, Istra or little grass shack on a remote tropical isle, then go for it. Others will climb the mountains and found the charities. I'm conent being a MA'd (Middle Aged) Goddess"
3/28/2008 12:01 PM CDT
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adiamondcoach wrote:
I found this article funny and very real to life. Many women may relate. Fortunately, I'm thankful for the energy to perservere. To not settle for some thing. When I look back on how (all) women have had to suffer, lazy just doesn't cut it for me. I'm shooting for the stars.
3/18/2008 12:09 PM CDT
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cinnym wrote:
Finally, an acceptable level of reinvention for the rest of us. While I admire those who have made drastic changes in their lives and am inspired by them (I read about them in each new issue of More while in a dream state, hoping to put my name up right along side theirs someday) I am like Karen states, full of self awareness, mostly of my limitations. Not that they hold me back, they save me from yet another recovery from a poorly thought out, hair-brained scheme, my inner I Love Lucy, as it were. Thank you, Karen, for aknowledging our acheivements. Small they may be, but insignificant they are not. You watch, my time of grandeur will come.
3/17/2008 11:48 PM CDT
 
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