Today I Cried

by Paula Webb • More.com Member { View Profile }

My sister e-mailed me last night and told me that our father had passed away. He had been in a nursing home for about four years. I had only seen my father briefly ten years ago when he was put in the hospital because his kidneys were shutting down and his heart was giving him problems. Before that day I hadn’t seen him for almost twenty years.

My parents’ marriage was very bad from the start and how she stayed with him so long is a mystery to me. To make a long story short, she finally left him and took all three of us kids and moved to Des Moines where her parents had a house that we could rent for next to nothing. I’m sorry to say I was glad to go and get away from the constant fighting. My dad didn’t like it though, and made our lives and my mom’s hell for years to come. I want you to know that I don’t hate him, but feel sorry for him that in his bitterness that he missed out on so much.

I did try to reach out to him but only recieved hate mail from him so I eventually had to quit opening his letters. I have forgiven him and hope now that his soul is at rest with whatever internal struggles he had. I have a wonderful husband who-yes is my soulmate. I have two wonderful sons who are responsible and smart young men and seven grandchildren from my oldest son.

When I finally read the e-mail I burst into tears and cried for a very long time for the hurt that I thought was over. My father wanted to be cremated and did not want a funeral. His family that I have not seen in years have contacted me and said they’re sorry for the way I was treated and they wanted to see me. I am excited about this and the same time very nervous about it. In two days my husband is taking me to Missouri for the burial of his ashes. That’s the least we can do. You see, he was my father and he gave me life and I owe him that. I have forgiven him and feel a lightness that I haven’t had in a long time. So let go of the past and forgive. Life is too short.

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