“In order to avoid stranger rape, women need to avoid situations in which it would be difficult for them to get help or escape,” Dr. Choy advises. I think of Michael’s victim, talking to a handsome stranger on a crowded boardwalk. I think of all the times I’ve been in similar situations, and how safe I felt on the street at night—for the first and only time in my life—when I was married to a six-foot-four, two-hundred pound man.
Dr. Mary Koss contends that the problem simply cannot be solved on an individual level. “We have a deadly combination in America: the gender power imbalance, coupled with the degree of violence in our homes,” she says. “If I could prescribe two remedies for sexual assault, they would be, first, to issue a national call to action to end family violence. Second, I’d pass policies, similar to those that exist in European countries, that lessen the power differential between men and women: equal pay, incentives for equality in the political process, generous parenting leave policy for mothers and fathers.
“The closer a society comes to equality,” Dr. Koss concludes, “the less violence against women there is in it.”
I ask Michael, the true expert, the same question. “What can a woman do,” I ask him, “to protect herself from a man like you?”
“A guy like I used to be,” he corrects me quickly, then answers, “Quit looking for the guy in shining armor. Don’t make yourself vulnerable. Stay out of the bars, stay away from drugs, quit looking for Mr. Goodbar. You don’t have to have sex with a guy the first night you meet him—fall in love with him first. Quit looking for that quick fix.”
Struck by the irony of the advice, considering the source, I press on. “Do you think you’ll ever rape a woman again?” I ask.
“No,” Michael answers emphatically.
“Do you think all rapists should be incarcerated?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he answers.
“And what about therapy?” I ask Michael. “Has being in the group made it any less likely that you’ll reoffend?” Dr. Choy leans forward in his seat, as eager to hear the answer as I am. “I’ve learned a lot about women’s feelings,” Michael says. “And guys’ feelings, and stereotypes. Stuff like that. Dr. Choy’s pretty good.” Michael grins at his therapist. “He knows the right questions to ask, and he knows how to steer us back when some guy’s going out of bounds.”
“Thanks, Michael,” Dr. Choy says.
Michael nods. “I’m one of the ones who’s going to get better,” he says.
“Is he?” I ask Dr. Choy when I see him later, in private.
“I believe so,” he answers. “For one thing, there’s the external deterrent of imprisonment.” He picks up Michael’s chart, flips through the pages. “And based on what Michael has been saying in group, I believe that he’s taking responsibility for his offense. He has expressed remorse. And he’s starting to see the superiority of a well-rounded, mutually satisfying, intimate relationship. He’s not engaging in manipulation to coax women into bed anymore.”
“How do you know that?” I press him, aware that the monitoring of Michael’s behavior—such as it is—is left to his parole officer, who makes occasional home visits and administers random drug tests. “It’s purely my clients’ word that I have to go on,” Dr. Choy acknowledges. “But that’s what Michael is claiming. And I believe him.”
*Michael’s name has been changed.
Next: Fran Drescher Tawks Openly About Her Gay Ex-Husband, Beating Cancer and Rape
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Comments
His very own mother taught
His very own mother taught him from an early age that rape was justified in some cases, even if it involved a little girl, that it was a crime with no consequences, and that they could all live a happy life with a rapist, now they wonder WHAT made him a rapist?
That woman is responsible for raising a boy who though women deserve to be treated as objects, she ignored her own daughter’s needs and saw her as a mean to get financial stability and a “man” by her side.
His stepfather AND his mother deserve to be in jail too.
What makes a rapist ...
What makes a rapist ... testosterone.
Same thing that makes for gang rapists, sex slavery thugs, the 2 million U.S. males currently in prison, as well as all those neighborhood guys on your state sex offender list.
This is a load of b*llsh*t
This is a load of b*llsh*t folks. "Don't drink. Don't go out at night. Don't go to the bar. Don't have sex. Don't do the drugs".... What are women supposed to do, hide in their kitchen and live like their great-grandmothers? Sure why don't we just roll back 40-odd great years of progress for women just because some guys can't control their d*cks... Live your life. No regrets. Bad things will happen if you go out in the world, sure. But better to go out and live than be a prisoner. Just be prepared, trust your instincts, and take reasonable precautions. Lastly as a man with two little sisters, I feel that "men"(and I use the term loosely) like Michael should be taken out in a field and shot behind one ear. Once a rapist, always a rapist.
Dr Choy, you`re being played.
Dr Choy, you`re being played. `Michael` is stroking you, he`s telling you everything he`s sure that you need to hear.
`Michael` hasn`t changed, he`ll be much harder to catch next time and there will be a NEXT time.
There is a correlation
There is a correlation between prior abuse and identity formation where sex functions as an identity attractor for this disfunctionality. The perpetrator focuses on behavior that mediates control - i.e. extreme emotional distress coupled with preconceived notions and careless trust by the victim that increase vulnerability. While the rapist expresses the focused behavior of a predator, he ultimately seeks to reinforce his own identity suggesting there is an underlying emotional conflict that is being expressed through reaction formation. The victim is defined through projection to embody the predator's guilt and self-loathing in order to justify the violence. Eventually repeat behavior produces an habitual response making repeat offenses a very high probability. With this in mind it unlikely that the described perpetrator would rehabilitate in an open environment suggesting a closed identity system would be suitable for this subject - i.e. an environment where there are no women or children that may be considered monastic or hermit like. Failing that a repeat laspe into crime would occur with in 4 standard deviations if the subject where reintroduced into an enabled environment. Returning to the scenes of old crimes unsupervised reestablishes the preexisting connection that emotionally defined the original crime. A recovery therefore requires creating a detachment to the original euphoric feelings of empowerment, their locals, and the substitution and refocus of these identity attractors into positive and culturally reinforced behaviors. The passion expressed as aggression toward women must be refocused into a productive activity. This requires a period of exposure to the underlying trigger in order to desensitize the subject through mortification and abstenance until the trigger eventually produces habitual ambivalence followed by then establishing an emotional bond of a positive and beneficial behavioral nature to replace the old disfunction. This bond must project unity between the subject and women so that the subject no longer has an over compensated boundary.
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