Today my third-grade daughter successfully petitioned to register for her own email account. As she had previously been campaigning for a cell phone, I seized the opportunity to compromise. Not only will 800 number’s everywhere avoid over worked circuits, it will serve to promote a greener environment through the reduced need for useless paper products in the form of stamps and stationary.
Since, my husband spent the past decade working in telecommunication, and I am a semi-professional online shopper, I assumed opening a singular email account for one 10-year-old would proceed expeditiously. Instead, I have come to understand that perhaps my husband is overpaid, and I should spend more time at the mall. To start, it took numerous hours to secure an original user name and password. This was mostly because they both needed to be memorable, reflective of her personality, and meet the established internet guidelines. She was rejected by AOL, y-mail, g-mail and hotmail, and it proved to be an arduous task. New rules and regulations regarding electronic postal service have recently been implemented to ensure security and avoid liability. (I assume this is a new rule as otherwise my older daughters have violated federal laws and could be looking at jail time).Luckily, my husband reacted at lightning speed. He utilized his extensive IT connections and determined that AOL had opened a child friendly subsidiary. Kids On Line (KOL) is dedicated to using advanced cyber technology to promote underage communiqués and facilitate virtual friendships (a handy alternative in case reality based friends get too demanding). After introducing my daughter to the homepage and detailing the complexities of electronic mail as it pertains to send, delete, reply, and compose (she was not so much interested in spell check), I mistakenly assumed a generational intuition would navigate her toward an autonomous pursuit of wireless transmissions. Unfortunately, there were issues.
My daughter has always enjoyed a vast network of friends. Consequently, she was perplexed by cyber Siberia and a relatively empty mailbox. Her correspondence relied solely on family members, spam and the occasional online chat room. Since she does not have any online purchasing power, solicitations were minimal. Moreover, her sisters and grandparents blocked her. Thus, the majority of her communication relies on my support. Therefore, I spend numerous hours detailing (with clip art) my menus, meal times, TV programming and bath times. I am beginning to seriously reconsider investing in my daughters cell phone appeal or sending her to a summer sleep away camp featuring Bill Gates.