KK: I read a comment from one of More’s readers about trying to put on eyeliner at this age. She suggested that it was because her upper lids were too puffy and swollen. In my case it’s because there’s just too much damn skin up there. My eyeliner comes out with dashes and dots like some twisted form of Morse code!
SalGal: I hear you. I used to have to stretch the outside part of my eye-skin so far back towards my ear to make a straight line over my lid, that I ended up painting a three-inch line that then turned into a one-inch smudge when I let go of the skin. At that point I sort of resemble an Andy Warhol picture of Amy Winehouse after a stroke. I don’t use eyeliner any more as it frightens me.
KK: Now cosmetics companies have come out with ‘roller balls’ that you’re supposed to rub under your eyes and all over your face. They look so phallic, don’t they?? I am just not comfortable rubbing that thing all over my face. Would YOU?
SalGal: Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen those roller-ball things in a commercial. I guess if I’m just too LAZY to stick my finger in a jar of wrinkle cream I might resort to such extreme ways of applying face products. I’m either too old to fall for such shenanigans or too experienced to be duped by fancy packaging. I just stick with the good, old, ever- available (and free) finger.
KK: Some of the new mascaras look like they have the same consistency as the grout we use to seal the shower! I’d be terrified to try to ‘remove’ that stuff for fear that along with it would come all eight lashes on my left eye and the three remaining on my right eye. Gawd!! I suppose I could then use my lash curler to shape my nails or crimp pie dough edges (a new form of Reinvention!). What do you think?
SalGal: You always say I am crazy to remove my eye makeup every night with baby oil. I guess I could buy some fancy kind of eye makeup remover, maybe something that comes with a roller-ball applicator. Or maybe I could buy a $45 bottle of ‘Take It Off Baby’ mascara-removal in a bottle shaped liked a giant eyeball containing one ounce of scented baby oil.
I don’t think I’m a fuddy-duddy for not falling for all of the hype about these new makeup solutions. I see myself as a visionary pragmatist. Don’t be afraid of the new and innovative, but keep that bottle of baby oil under the sink.