Exercise...Drop and Give me Five!

The Midlife Gals • Guest Writer
Swimming is ALL about your fashion choices…oops!

SalGal: Five what?

KK:  Let’s be honest, Sal, the middle-aged tri-athletes, marathon runners and ‘gymnasts’ are in the minority here.  They are an anomaly, and they have no idea how exasperating it is just to watch them.  I’ve decided to embrace my upper-under arm flaps.  They seem to have a personality all their own, don’t they?

SalGal: Yours kind of remind me of the bottom of a pelican’s beak.  Mine hang like elephant ears and are just as wrinkled.  I haven’t worn a sleeveless dress or blouse since my late forties.  And women with big boobs who jog should buy sports bras!  The last time I watched one run I got whiplash.

KK:  And, you know what? Madonna is just scary looking!  I like the way Meryl Streep looks…soft, round, with lots of laugh lines and winks.  She probably does yoga, like we do.  The only exercise that doesn’t make you sweat…at least it’s not supposed to.  There is a style of yoga where the room is 105 degrees, but the skank of spewing perspiration and bacteria triggered my gag reflex during my ONE visit to that class.  We’d rather do our yoga on the living room floor in front of the TV with Oprah on, right?

SalGal: Yeah, yoga and walking and swimming are about all I can do now.  There was a time when I could surf twelve-foot waves and run down a beach just for fun.  These days I only surf the net and I couldn’t run even if an armadillo was chasing me.  I have reinvented my exercise program into a daily regimen of simple movements, lollygagging around the neighborhood and treading away from the yellow water near the baby pool.

KK:  I think we’d get a lot more benefit from our neighborhood walks if we didn’t stop to applaud a house and garden that we particularly like.  But, you’re getting some good upper arm exercise with those clippers as you steal flowers from a stranger’s attractive garden, I guess.

SalGal: Think of me as the Phantom Pruner.  They should thank me, and any bloom that hangs over the sidewalk is fair game.

KK:  Well, I’m exhausted, let’s have a beer.

SalGal:  I’ll make the guacamole

First Published Thu, 2009-05-28 06:05

Find this story at:

http://www.more.com/entertainment/humor/exercisedrop-and-give-me-five