How Not to Act Old On Twitter

Are you inadvertently tweeting your age?

By Pamela Redmond Satran • Guest Writer
Photograph: Illustration by: Wesley Bedrosian

You long ago figured out the internets. Have gathered a couple hundred of your closest friends on Facebook. And now you’re tweeting — assuming you’re doing it, you know that’s the verb for using Twitter — which makes you feel oh-so-young and groovy.

Except….you’re tweeting old.

How do I know?  Because I’m following you.  And every time you tweet that you’re….

— Cooking chicken for dinner
— Driving the kids to school
— Heading to the gym
— Cleaning a closet
— Or planning a night out with your husband sound old old old.

Why? Because Twitter, right now at least, is really a professional tool. It may ask you what you’re doing, but it doesn’t really want to know. And neither do we.

That’s why Twitter makes you feel so asinine when you first start using it: You find yourself detailing the most boring, mundane events of your day, because you take seriously the Twitter command to write down what you’re actually doing.

And then, if you’re smart — or if you’re reading How Not To Act Old — you catch on that Twitter is really all about letting other people know how savvy and well-connected and clever and plugged-in you are, all, of course, in a completely low-key, under-the-radar, provocative-yet-cool way.

That’s why the median age of Twitter users is the oldest of any social networking site, and also why my 16-year-old calls it "whack" and "lame."  Also, with everyone from your colleagues to your current boss to the boss you wish you had following you, you owe it to yourself to tweet about that awesome story you read on Mashable, not what you’re cooking for dinner.

Want more How Not to Act Old? Click below! . . .

How Not to Act Old With Your Hair

How Not to Act Old at Work

How Not to Weekend Old

How Not to Act Old in Bed

How Not to Act Old On a Diet

How Not to Act Old at the Beach

How Not to Act Old With Celebrities

How Not to Act Old On Facebook

How Not to Phone Old

How Not to Act Old: Hot-Flash Special

How Not to Act Old With Emoticons

How Not to Act Old: Nostalgia Edition

How Not to Act Old: Men's Edition

How Not to Act Old with a Younger Man

Does This Cocktail Make Me Look Old?

How Not to Act Old On YouPorn

How Not to Act Old: Dying--So Not Cool!

How Not to Act Old On Valentine's Day

How Not to Act Old: Greatest Hits

Along with this exclusive column for, Satran offers additional up-to-the-minute tips at

Check out Satran’s hilarious book, How Not to Act Old.

Do you tweet?  What do you think of the whole Twitter phenomenon? Post your comments below.


Want the latest beauty, fashion and lifestyle tips? Click here to sign up for our fabulous weekly newsletter!


First Published Wed, 2009-06-17 09:20

Find this story at: