Yoga For Normals

KK:  I’m so excited about teaching my new ‘boomer’ yoga class, Sal.  Here’s my class description.  What do you think?

“Strengthen your back muscles with the “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up” (Bujanghasana for those Sanskrit speakers…or cobra pose for the yogally correct). Kelly’s workshop will teach you the 3-part breathing technique to relieve stress, but more importantly as a way to rid yourself of those pesky hiccups.  She’s not guaranteeing that boomer yoga will enhance your sex life, but combined with midlife medications, it might make you want to have sex again.”

SalGal: That’s okay, I don’t want to have sex again anyway.  You make me do yoga with you at least three or four times a week and I must say, even though you have to bribe me with post-session basil Mojitos, I do feel better after each workout.  I used to have a chronic bad back, but now I can garden, cook, and clean up cat-throw-up off the floor – no problem.

KK:  And, I’m not playing any Ravi Shankar sitar music either.  We’ll groove our yoga poses to Boz Scaggs, James Taylor or Michael Buble.  I’m so excited I could just spit.  After all, I may be 57 years old, but I have a 51-year-old body, by God!  And, I didn’t spend 30 days and 29 nights at that damn ashram to get my teaching certificate for nothing!  Those bliss ninnies would have starved me to death with all that tofu had I not been secretly receiving care packages from home…with Cheetos, sardines, Vienna sausages, smoked oysters and mini bottles of tequila.

SalGal: I get really tired of Sitar music.  It makes me feel like I should smoke some heroin or something.  Wait a minute….no.  We were all happy to send you care packages at the cult, I mean, ashram.  I was so afraid you would never come back or that you would be brainwashed into selling pamphlets to Japanese tourists at the Miami airport.  You forgot to mention my constant supply of powdered sugar donuts in the care packages.

KK:  Oh, and I’ve promised to leave my own spiritual beliefs and teachings at the door on the way in, right next to my shoes.  My students are boomers, and if they haven’t figured all that out by now, they never will.  Not my job, that.  I’m scheduling the class on Saturdays before all the college football games too so I can snag a boomer man-student or two.  Maybe I should serve cold beer after, yes?  You’re coming, right???

SalGal: I will be there with bells on….not those little East Indian bells that jingle on the women’s scarves but more like cow bells.  It’s also a good thing that you aren’t having the yoga sessions too early because Saturday mornings are for drinking Bloody Marys and nursing hangovers from martinis with the gals at Austin’s Finest Draft House & Sports Bar the night before.  Cold beer after the class would be good and maybe some nachos or pigs-in-a-blanket too. And, thank you for not trying to indoctrinate me into any kind of enlightenment or stuff like that.  I’m on my own path and I don’t think Deepak Chopra would approve.  Wait a minute, he might.  because as they say in India, “When you’ve seen the joke…you’ve seen the truth.”  They say that and, “Trust in Allah but tie up your camel.”

Doing yoga is kind of like tying up your camel…..right?

First Published Tue, 2009-09-29 15:42

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