Situation: The creepy guy down the hall thinks it’s funny to call you Toots and doesn’t understand why you take offense. “Oh, I call everybody that,” he says, jostling your arm when you call him on it.
Your Response: “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” --Oscar Wilde
Situation: She can’t figure out how to operate the new printer. As soon as you become engrossed in your own work, she pokes her head out of her office and calls, “When you have a minute?”
Your Response: “A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.” -- Groucho Marx
Situation: He walks into your office and the conversation gets sidetracked. He's having marriage problems (no sex). "I need to get back to work,” you say. He's still talking.
Your Response: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” --Oscar Wilde
Situation: The brochure you prepared for your client is not what he expected. Not what he asked for. He isn't going to pay for it.
Your Response: “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'” -- Charlie Brown
Situation: One of your employees tells you he’s been offered a job at another company, and wonders what you would advise.
Your Response: Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. By all means. You should follow that.
Situation: Your request for a tiny increase in salary got turned down, even though you helped plump up the bottom line. “We can't afford it,” says your boss. “It’s the economy.” But you know what her salary is--and her bonus.
Your Response: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.” --Dorothy Parker
Jennifer Jeanne Patterson is a freelance writer and author of 52 Fights. She lives in Minneapolis with her husband and three children. Find her blog at Unplanned Cooking.
