Los Angeles–based matchmaker Patti Stanger stopped by the More offices this week to talk to us about romance, relationships and the whole nine yards. Stanger, who learned the tricks of the trade from her mother and grandmother, started matchmaking on the side for extra cash while pursuing her true passion: writing. Now, The Millionaire's Club is a multimillion-dollar business with offices in California, Canada and the United Kingdom.
When we asked her about the state of dating for women in midlife, Stanger had this to say: “You used to be dateless and desperate at 40. That’s B.S. Read the paper every week. Look who’s getting married: 50 year-olds! Stop listening to statistics.
“Dating is a disgusting process,” Stanger continued. “It’s being judged all the time. But if you just go with it and think of it as a fun thing for the evening, things will happen. What I tell my clients is to make a wish list of all the places you've wanted to go, so when the guy says, 'What do you want to do?', you have a list of options ready. Even if the relationship goes south, guess what? You went to your favorite restaurant, you saw the play you've been dying to see, etc.” Here, she shares her tips and suggestions for those looking to date the second time around.
“Find two interests that have men involved. Don’t choose the knitting club, because then you’re going to get gay men.
“Get online and spread the wealth. Choose 3 sites you want to sign up for. Always a pair and spare. Match.com is a big one. Then choose a niche site. If you’re Jewish, try Jdate.com. The third site should be a free site.
“Get a professional photo taken. And wear that Little Black Dress—it goes a long way. Cover your arms if they sag a bit or put on a long skirt if you’ve got bad legs. Find the asset that works for you. Have your hair and makeup professionally done. If you have wrinkles, play them down by getting a black-and-white shot versus color.
“Come up with a great handle. Choose an online name that has a little sultriness to it, like Beautiful Brunette, Sultry Blonde or Bicoastal Beauty—something that will make them say, I’m going to open your profile.’ You can drop 5 years. I’m OK with that. I don’t love it, but I’m OK with it because men lie about their height. Six foot is really 5’10” online. Don’t wink, don’t do anything. Let them come to you.
“Tell all your friends and coworkers. Say, ‘Hey, do you have anyone for me?’ Get the blind dates going. Then the movement should start happening. And guess what? You’ll feel so good! You’ll feel empowered. Even if you don’t like the guy—he took you to dinner, you got dressed up, and he told you, 'You look pretty.' The only place you can go: up.”
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