We Hear You! Letters from Our November 2011 Issue

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MORE • Editors

I am reading your editors letter in the November issue of More, the person who blew the doors off open for women wearing pants was not YSL, it was Katharine Hepburn.

She was the first woman to wear pants while lounging by the pool, to Hollywood parties and out in public. Not many people know that it is just one of those things I learned a while back and thought I would share with you.

Keep up the fantastic work for all us women over 40.
--Donna Allen

Your section on social work was interesting but could have included more relevant points. For example clinical social workers provide more mental health service in the US than psychologists and psychiatrists combined. School social workers have flexible schedules and many clinical social workers are employed in the substance abuse fields. The side column on What You'll Need was in error. The professional degree that is most desired for employment is the MSW and is required for licensure, in most agency and health settings aw well as independent practice.
--Phillip L. Elbaum, LCSW, Deerfield, Illinois
I was shocked when I read Joanne Kaufman's article memoirs! She could have been referring specifically to me. I, too, experienced a similar affair. "John" also left his wife, went back and eventually divorced shortly after my marriage.

I recently connected to him, via email, after 20 years. I, too, experienced some very conflicted emotions. I emailed that I will always have special feelings for "John" and he replied that he felt the same. I don't plan to pursue this any further as I have been married 32 years and have a good marriage.

After I read Joanne's conclusion that she needed to know that she still mattered, it really helped me process those feelings. I felt the same way..I wanted to know I mattered. I felt her article was written especially for me. It helped me tremendously.

Thanks Joanne!

I opened up my most recent issue of your wonderful publication (November issue), and was very excited to begin reading "10 Great Careers..." (p. 114). I was very disappointed, however, to read the section on Medical Professionals, that you did not mention advanced practice nursing (nurse practitioners). I have been a CRNP for 17 years, and truly believe, as do most of my peers, that there is no better profession in medicine.

In most states we have more freedom and autonomy than PA's, and we get the best of both worlds...doing medicine while also being what it means to be and think like a nurse (not a physician).

Requirements are stringent and expensive...perhaps this is why more RN's do not go further with their education. However, the rewards are well worth it.
--Mary Polson, Camp Hill, PA
Wow! I got my new issue in the mail today and kicked back with a delightful cocktail to read the magazine. But I damn near spit out my drink when I read the first line of Jean Chatzky's column. She writes, "Changes are, you're bringing home more money now than ever before..." What planet is she writing from these days?

I'm a highly educated professional woman with great work experience and like MANY of my peers; I am woefully unemployed after being laid off several years ago. Every day is a struggle - both financially and mentally - to keep going on. I had to move to a considerably smaller place, have no health insurance and drive a 12 year old car. I consider myself lucky; I have no one to worry about but myself and am surrounded by a loving and supportive network of friends and family. Bravo to those gals who are taking it to the bank; some of them are my close friends.

But Jean needs to get out of the office and her small world and see what is going on around the country to educated professional women who are experiencing firsthand the crisis we keep hearing about. Why not write about that?

BTW, I also got my subscription renewal and happily wrote that precious check!
--Linda Isenson, Seattle, WA

A week ago, on a whim, I picked up a copy of your magazine for the first time off the shelf. I am a 37 year old Jamaican mother and wife who have embarked on a spiritual journey. Hence the decision to buy your magazine, as I am looking for “more” as cliché as that might sound. I have been buying “Self” magazine for years, now replaced by “More”. I was delighted to leaf through your magazine and be inspired by your articles in your October issue with Naomi Watts on the cover.

My favorite article “Big Love” captivated me as it helped to explain a deep fascination I have had for elephants. I cannot remember when or why but I have been collecting elephants for years and counting. I even affixed a silver elephant pin to the tail of my wedding dress for reasons unknown to me. I really respected Amanda Robb’s brutal honesty with regards to her vanity in the attitude section and felt immense gratitude for my own mother now deceased after reading Kathryn Harrison’s “memoir”. This is an amazing magazine, which I have taken the liberty to submit my story today with regards to finding a career path that is supportive of my number one role as mother. I do hope you take the time to read my story. I am attaching a photo as I think it will allow for a deeper connection with this email if you can attach a face to it.

For now, thank you for the concept of "More." I can’t wait to see the November issue.
--Sherie Ranston

I think the concept for this story is brilliant! And I have a story to share that you have not touched on.

What do you do when you earn 6 figures, are highly regarded in society, married for 28 years, the pillar of society and in one moment you throw it all away and end up in prison? How do you reinvent yourself after that? You have it all, you throw it away, and you have to start over at 50 with NOTHING. It happens all the time.

Those women, those stories, deserve to be heard.
--Toby Dorr

This is in reference to the memoir....A date with the man that got away" written by Joanne Kaufman.....

I am a BOOMER who has had the awesome experience of living that scenario.....at the age of 62 when it started by being found on classmate by a former classmate......it also lasted two years plus.....I was and am still single...he was married and still is.....

I am European born so my outlook on life is LIVE..........

Joanne Kaufman the author captured the essence of such a relationship......and only those who have experienced such a dalliance can appreciate her candor.....

My motto has always been NO REGRETS.............
--Nicole P. Carnemolla, Oceanside, California

What you label "5 year bulimia habit" is called an Eating Disorder. You would call biting your nails for years a habit, but you wouldn't called a 5 year regular use of cocaine a "habit" but an addiction--which coincidentally is what Eating Disorders are clinically considered, a form of addiction. By misrepresenting it you unintentionally can hurt women struggling with this disease by feeding their own denial of its seriousness and convincing themselves that it is just a bad "habit"--just like biting your nails, right?
--Carmen Perez- Illade LMHC, Oviedo, Florida

Editors, I really enjoyed this issue. I love the stories of people who re-invent themselves, stories of people with clever ideas, and generally stories about real people. There is one issue that I have. It seems to me, that in almost every issue (and I’ve been a subscriber for quite a while) there is story of someone and her infidelity (name the scenario... fling with married man, cheating on significant other, whatever). I find these articles so base and so dispiriting I can't begin to say. While it's true that it happens all the time, I don't think a fine magazine like yours has to give the situation credence by writing about it so much. While there are those who would say it's an everyday occurrence- these behaviors leave so much destruction in their wakes that prominence in your magazine seems like rewarding bad behavior. As you are so creative in putting together all the parts of your magazine- I think you could find something to fill in the place of these articles.
--Henna Kenigsberg

There is no more room in our society to further glorify infidelity and adultery. There are many reasons that these acts are wrong other than the obvious; immorality. Once discovered, the pain is so wrenching it takes over the victims' lives, and spreads like a virus to family and friends. Lives are affected in ways that the guilty parties have no idea. Keep in mind, if an affair with a married person seems appealing, there are a lot people close to you who are "going down" and will "get screwed," with you.
--Yvette, Orange Park, FL

I really enjoyed Linda Yellin's "Meeting New Friends: What Really Works" right up until the third to last word: buy. As in, "buy a dog." Buy? Until every shelter, abandoned or unloved pet has a loving home, Ms. Yellin, please think "adopt" instead!
--KarinI don't read just any magazine. I just won't. Even though I am 31 years old with a 6-year old son & bills to pay - I refuse to read very many "grown-up" magazines. I am too mature for the young adult magazines for girls still wanting to take sex quizzes and learn their love style and not ready for magazines that focus on perfecting dinner party meals that will please their husbands.
Yes, I'm still homeroom mom and I take my son to Cub Scouts and to the zoo and help him with his homework. But after dropping my son off to his friend's house for a sleepover or to his re-married father's house for a weekend visit, I go for margaritas and go clubbing sometimes with my friends. I look much younger than my years and still have a great time.

I started getting MORE magazine and was a tad apprehensive. Was this going to be another "How to Be a Perfect Wife & Mother" magazine? One for women approaching middle-age? I couldn't have been more wrong. I have been completely engrossed since the first issue.

I just got the November issue and read "A Date with the Man Who Got Away", and was BLOWN away. Such truth, emotion and realism wrapped into a story that most women can understand. I then read "The Mother-Daughter Tattoo" and was touched.

I'm looking forward to the longest, meaningful relationship I've had since my divorce....I think I love you MORE.

I read Joanne Kaufman's memoir in your November issue and absolutely felt her brave and daring story. She didn't glorify or make herself a victim. She is one of hundreds of women that have been in this situation and probably feel ashamed. She made me feel human for being in the same situation 16 years ago. Although I love my husband and I am truly happy I have never felt my weight on my heart had been lifted but reading her story let me accept my past with a married man who did truly love and appreciate me. I felt I had to be ashamed of that but not anymore. My friend is also remarried now and is also happy. Both of us keep in touch w updates about our lives and we have moved on. We are truly happy for each other and will continue to hold each other in high regards. Thank you for being brave and allowing such a beautiful and raw story to be told.
--Elena Galindo

I am reading your editors letter in the November issue of More, the person who blew the doors off open for women wearing pants was not YSL, it was Katharine Hepburn.

She was the first woman to wear pants while lounging by the pool, to Hollywood parties and out in public. Not many people know that it is just one of those things I learned a while back and thought I would share with you.

Keep up the fantastic work for all us women over 40.

A devoted fan,
Donna Allen

My name is Julie Anne Ramos and I am a huge fan of your magazine even though I am 7 years away from 40. I just find your articles and your features so well written and so much more gratifying than some other fashion magazines out there.
I am writing to you to let you know that the article in The More November issue “Friendships that feed our Souls " touched so close to my heart.

I have a special friend and mentor in Marilyn McCoo . You may know her name from Hosting the music variety show Solid Gold in the 80's , 7 time Grammy award winner , the musical group the 5th dimension and singing with her husband of 42 years Billy Davis JR.

Marilyn is like a second Mother to me but she is also a female soulmate. I am in Los Angeles 3,000 miles away from my family (who I miss very much) I am a wardrobe stylist and I love my job so much but when I first moved here 13 years ago I was lost. I met the wrong people and was taken advantage of very much. I came from a very sheltered loving background and grew up on the North Shore of Long Island. But I moved to LA after college to follow my dreams to be an actress and break in sports journalism too. I was a ranked tennis player growing up.

Anyway, I believed everyone was good natured and boy I was wrong. I decided to go back to school and study fashion and it has been the best choice. However, I still felt alone and only had surface friends who just wanted to party, etc.

I met Marilyn McCoo when a former roommate who turned out to be a not very nice guy was interviewing Marilyn and her husband for a TV special. He promised Marilyn she could have a makeup artist for the on camera shots... She even offered to hire her own but he said he would provide one. Well, he did not hire a makeup artist for her. She was not happy. He called me and summoned me back home for an emergency (that was where he was shooting the interview.) I walked in the house to fins a bunch of people including Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis sitting in the interview chair and she looked not happy. My roommate asked if I could do her makeup, well I am not a makeup artist I am a stylist. Anyway they finished the interview like pros without makeup and walked out. Marilyn and Billy saw how upset I was so they invited me out to dinner. The rest is history. We just clicked and now I have two of the most amazing friends I could ever have prayed for and I style their entire wardrobe for their live shows. They are on a huge tour in England right now with Sr cliff Richard and many other artists.

It is amazing that we are over 30 years apart in age but we just click. Marilyn has taught me so much about having faith and to always give back. She is The Head of the Board of The Los Angeles Mission and recently organized the 75th anniversary of the mission to honor Kirk Douglas and his wife Anne who started the foundation. Two years ago Marilyn was at a board meeting at The Mission and slipped fell on a concrete floor and shattered her leg and had a titanium rod put in. The Dr said she may never perform again the break was too bad. But through her faith and strength she made a full recovery (marveling her Doctors and Physical Therapist) and is now performing all over the world.

The duo is still recording and performing and looks so beautiful. But they are also regular people who are constantly giving back and are just regular people. We have so much fun together and they have helped me through tough time like when my father died and lost loved ones in The 9/11 attacks. I also have juvenile diabetes and they help me deal with that struggle.
My six-year-old niece loves to listen to them sing and loves to watch videos of them on YouTube. She said she loves Marilyn over Taylor Swift. She has all her friends listening to them and watching old Solid Gold shows on YouTube.

I know Marilyn is not" A list" -- her words ---but she is still so beautiful has the most amazing voice and is a wonderful person. They sold out the Hard Rock casino over the summer.
I would not have accomplished all that I have without my family and without my very special friendship with Marilyn McCoo.

I am so proud of her.

I hope that someday if you do a where are they now Article you would feature Marilyn... She is not in the abyss she is alive and well and trying to make the world a better place. Oh and a huge fan of your magazine-- she is the one who introduced me to it and asked if I would give it a chance. :-)

Also she is not aware that I am writing-- I was inspired when I read the article with Katie lee and Paula Dean.

I know the chances of you reading this email are very slim but I just wanted to let you know that you inspired me to share with you about my very special relationship with a very special amazing woman.

I am enclosing a few pics and a video clip so you can see how great she is still.

Thank you so much for your wonderful work, :-)
--Julie Anne Ramos

I really enjoyed the article by Janice Kaplan about Ghida Talal, princess of Jordan in your November issue. I read a book by Jordan's Queen Noor, Leap of Faith, and I am intrigued by what I hear of Jordan's first family ever since. King Hussein was a great humanitarian and did so much good for Jordan. When so much negativity comes our way about the Middle East, it is nice to hear the humane side of that part of the world and all the good some of the region has done, Jordan specifically. Ghida, you are royalty in my eyes.
--Judy Byrne

Just when it's getting harder to read small print, my favorite magazine seems to have shrunk the text in More. Can you pump it up a bit for us?
--Keri Fujii

I did not see where to comment on Dr Sheri Phillips post, "From DR to Advocate" but I wanted to share my thoughts on the post. It was an excellent post and very inspirational. Reading how Dr. Phillips' life changed and how she made life changing decisions to move forward for her and others was truly powerful. The post meant a lot to me since I too have had life changes when I lost my hearing in my 50's and took my time of isolation and started painting. Working through my loss gave me a new career. Since that time I have received a cochlear and I am back in the hearing world. It has been a true miracle.

Thank you for More,
Ruth Andre

I just wanted to thank you for your article about flying. I read it and preceded to ripe it out. It’s in my purse. I have read it at least twice a day since. I am terrified of flying and will be flying in December to have Christmas with my son, daughter-in-law, grandson and granddaughter. I am very excited about spending Christmas with them but my fear of flying keeps me panicking. I live in New Hampshire and they live in Oregon so it’s a long trip. I did go out by myself in June of this year and it went really well, so I thought it would be easier this time. I was abused as a child and have severe panic attacks and anxiety. I have a really hard time with trust and need control so I am sure this is not helping me with flying. I read your article and it helps give me strength to say "I can do it". If you have any other bits of advice I would love to hear from you. Again, thank you for your article. Jenny

I was so excited standing in the supermarket line to buy the November issue of More. I've always loved the articles and was drawn it by the article about Mariska Hargitay. Lovely to open up the issue and read about women rebuilding their lives, discovering themselves and the importance of female friendships and bonding. Then I started to read Ms. Kaufman's article. "Ok, I'll give this one a try," I thought. We all make mistakes in our 20's right? I finished the article and was appalled. How could this article about a seemingly still self centered woman be included among articles of female friendships? Ms. Kaufman, now a married woman herself with grown children of her own has no revelatory moment of "Wow, what would it feel like if my husband cheated on me? How would I feel if he brought my children to meet his girlfriend?" To wax nostalgic about an affair that very well may have played a big role in the ultimate break up of her lover's family, without any remorse for any damage she may have contributed, is honestly very distasteful.

I am aware that I am reading this through the lens of my own experience, but I can't imagine that I am alone in my reaction. Five years ago my husband had an affair and left me for the other woman. My children, two boys, were ages one and five. The fallout was incredibly painful for everybody. My children and I have rebuilt our lives with the love and support of family and friends. I know many other women (and some men) who have experienced similar situations. The breakup of families is nothing to be glossed over and I believe the change can start with women not interfering with other women's relationships, even when they believe somebody else's husband is their "soul mate." In my opinion finding one's soul mate should not and does not include inflicting pain and damage on others.

I don't think this article belonged in a magazine of this caliber. I will have second thoughts the next time I see a new issue on the supermarket shelf.
--Stefanie Kahn, Los Angeles, CA

Congratulations on a job well done - I very much enjoy receiving More Magazine. I have had a subscription for a year now and I look forward to each issue. I am inspired by the articles and I enjoy the fashion as well. I love the diversity presented within the magazine. However, the covers offer less diversity than I would like to see. The covers of the magazine are the one aspect where I would love to see some change. I am an African American professional single mother of two. I would love to see more women of color featured on the covers of More. There has not been one woman of color featured on the More covers since I have been receiving the magazine. I have also spoken to other women of color who have been receiving the magazine longer than I have and they report there have been very few women of color featured over the last few years. I would love to see more women of color on the covers so that I can be inspired by them; just I have been by the women who have been featured since I started receiving the magazine.

Thank you for your consideration.
--Alexis Adams

In recent years I have become an avid reader of MORE MAGAZINE, after being introduced to it by articles and covers of Mariska Hargitay. Of course, I bought it the day before it was supposed to be available at newsstands.

The straight reporting of history and events of Mariska life was done very well by Amanda Robb and informative.

BUT the unnecessary asides and comments by her were rude and demeaning and I am sure not welcome by the legions of her admirers and possibly herself as well...... In the first paragraph she mentions that she thought she had the wrong address because of a” beat-up Spider-Man scooter by the door.” “I ring the bell and a woman screams “just a minute” When the door finally opens I am greeted by a baby’s butt.” “She offers me her free hand. I take it but step back.” She describes Mariska in less than flattering adjectives. To me, Mariska is a down to earth person despite her fame and trophies and loves people. I will not recount the entire asides in the article. You are the Editor...please read it.

I don’t think any famous person would want Amanda Robb to interview them. I, certainly, will never read her writings again. Maybe the fact that she was not wined and dined and treated like visiting royalty, she decided to be witchy.
--Dee LoCascio, Cape Coral FL 33914

This is such a random email but after I saw the Girlfriend's Getaway sweepstakes in the magazine, I sat in the bathtub (yes your magazine is my bathtub reading material :-) ) and cried thinking about my Best Friend and the joy, fun, pain, and support we shared over the past 13 years.

I never knew what having true friends really meant until my late 20s, I was facing my second, yes second divorce when I met Tamara. She came to work, and one day she was walking down the hall in knee high boots, and a sweater dress. I was like a guy- wow who is that girl. Ha ha Then a few days later she asked me if I knew how to treat dry cracked heels, and this was the beginning of our tie that has continued to bind us through ups, downs, and sideways days.

We've shared so many things, wonderful and exciting that friends bring into your life. We also had the absolute most gut wrenching experience January 25th of this year when Tamara's 3 year old daughter died as a result of a genetic disorder, that we knew from birth would take her early in life, but no matter how prepared you think you are- guess what? You’re not. Larsen died on the operating table during a Heart Catheritization procedure to stretch her tiny blood vessels because they would not grow properly on their own. She had Alagille Syndrome, and her fight for survival was evident from day one. Larsen like her mother was full of life, joy, and passion. Supporting my friend through this loss has been at times so difficult but at the same time I've learned so much about her, myself, and the value of true friendship. Tamara's class, strength and perseverance through all of this is a testament to all women. She is beautiful, strong, resilient, and continues to be an amazing friend.

I’m writing all of this to say thank you for the magazine, and the things you do in an effort to touch the lives of those of us 40 and over. In the most unexpected ways blessings can come, and seeing your sweepstakes advertisement reminded me how lucky I am to have such wonderful friend in Tamara to share things with.

At 47, I am definitely not as ambitious as I was 10 years ago, but I don't consider that to be a negative change at all. I have simply come to realize that it matters very little to me what my job title is or how large and expensively decorated my office is. My boss's opinion of me carries far less weight than those of the people I love and care about. It is, after all, just a job. What brings me joy and fulfillment is spending time with my husband, helping my daughter plan her wedding, and watching my son grow into a young man just beginning his career. That job could end tomorrow, and it wouldn't be the end of the world for me. I'd much rather be thought of as a great wife, mother, daughter and friend than a terrific employee. I wouldn't call this change so much a loss of ambition, as a realigning of priorities.
When my father passed away two years ago, he was a successful and respected executive, but what really counted were those of us who were gathered around him...and it wasn't his business associates.

I am worth much more than just the size of my paycheck!
--Marlene Pyle

Reading "A Date with the Man that Got away" sure brought back some memories. Mine are a little different than Joanne Kaufman’s, however, since I was at the receiving end as a wife who got cheated on. I'll never forget the devastating disappointment and shock when I found out. I was unable to function normally for many months, and then came the anti-depressants, therapy and near-destruction of my marriage and sanity. Seven years later, my heart races and my hands shake as I type this.
Reading the article, I looked in vain for any sign of remorse for the damage she undoubtedly caused this woman and two children. I suppose she considered the husband fair game, since their marriage seemed to be going through a rough patch (assuming she thought about it at all). Bad times in a marriage can be addressed and dealt with; infidelity, not so much. The truth is that cheating changes the marriage forever, and not for the better. I wondered how I could ever trust my husband again, and the answer is that I can't.

I am disgusted by Kaufman's cavalier attitude. And even though she seemingly came through this unscathed and unpunished, maybe just being herself is the justice.

I think the POST ON MORE.COM is the most brilliant feature created by a magazine.

FABULOUS IDEA - thank you so much for this opportunity to be able to write and submit.



--Cecilia Valentino

First Published Mon, 2011-10-31 18:08

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