He picked me up in an iridescent convertible and made sure to rev the engine a few times before coming to my door. On the way to the movie theater, he revved the engine at every red light, which was mortifying. He apologized, but not for that, saying, “Oh sorry, my eyebrows look a bit unruly. I didn’t have them waxed this week.” Then he paid for our tickets with a $100 bill because “that’s the only bill worth carrying."

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Over drinks, he tells me he had a four-year-old son who lives out of state.

“With his mother?” I say.

“Yeah, with my wife,” he says.

“You mean ex-wife?”

“Technically, I’m still married,” he says. “We stay married for the benefits.”

“Oh, the health benefits?”

“Among others.”

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"In my twenties, I went to meet my date at a really chic, fashionable restaurant. I wasn’t dressed up necessarily, but I had on a nice shirt and jeans. My date showed up in cutoffs and a tank top. I knew half the people in the restaurant, who were all looking at me like, ‘Who is this guy with Michael Kors?’ it was so embarrassing. My tip: always have your first date at a casual place." --Michael Kors

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After dinner, we went to his place so he could drop something off, and while he was in the kitchen, I decided to peek in and check out his bedroom. When I flipped on the light a man started yelling—it was his dad, who was asleep in his bed. My date ran in to explain who I was. I asked why his dad was in his room (it was a one-bedroom apartment, and my date was thirty), and he explained that they shared the bed. His dad worked the graveyard shift so slept in it during the day, and since my date worked days, he explained, “I have the bed overnight, so we can still get freaky.” On sheets warm from his dad.

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I’m an English professor, so I said in my online dating profile that a shared love of books is important to me. Over dinner, I asked my date what his favorite book was. His reply: “1984.” Which is fine, but kind of high school age reading. So I asked him why it still stood out for him, and he said, “Well, I haven’t actually read it. I read the CliffsNotes. But I could tell that if I did read it, it would definitely be my favorite.”

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This may have been the shortest date ever. I picked him up at his house and, as I pulled out of the driveway, he pulled out a cigarette. I’m not a smoker, so I said, “I prefer if you didn’t smoke in my car.” He took out his lighter and lit the cigarette anyway, so I pulled back into the driveway and asked him to get out.

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"My first date with my husband started badly. I didn’t even know it was a date. I thought I was going to an event, and then there was just one person at it. I was set up by friends to think I was going to an event, because they knew I wouldn’t go on a date. I was angry. And he didn’t know, because he thought I knew I was coming just to meet him. It started out really badly. But as you can see, it ended happy." -- Salma Hayek

Ed note: Here's Salma with her bad date gone great: Husband François-Henri Pinault

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