We Hear You! Letters from Our April 2013 issue

by MORE • Editors
julia louis-dreyfus cover image

Here is my problem w/ MORE.... I like to keep my home uncluttered and throw things away as quickly as I can.  But every time I pick up an old MORE to toss, I quickly peruse it before trashing and I find articles I enjoyed so much I want to read again...or save...or share....and nothing gets cleaned!

It's a problem!  :))
--Janet Jordan

 I have never written a letter to an editor but I bought the recent More and read Joan Raymond's article.  I will be sending this to many of my friends.  I had none of the markers to place me in a high risk category and had passed my July mam.  My doctor had always told me I have very dense breasts but never explained that put me at a higher risk.  Long story short that November in 2010 they found cancer.  It was stage III.  The tumor encompassed the whole breast and was in one lymph node.  I am doing fine but I have become very vocal about when in doubt go and have an MRI.  This article needs to be in more women's magazines.  It really open my eyes.  Thank you.  It put a few things in perspective.  I enjoy More and will continue to be an avid reader.  I do love this is what (fill in age) looks like.  I hope you might do one about this is what (fill in age) looks like after fighting a life threatening illness.  There are so many strong women out there. 

Thank you,
--Victoria Sawula, Nov 2010 stage III a breast cancer amazon 

To the editors of MORE magazine:
 
For whatever reason, my mom started subscribing me to your magazine when I was a tad bit younger than your target demographic (28).  Of course I thought it was so she could further hound me on wearing sunscreen every day; perhaps inspire me with the various articles on fabulous women; or just maybe have me understand her better by reading about the process of aging gracefully, complete with mood swings and hot flashes!  And each month for the past 5 years, every time I get MORE, I think of my mom. I love that your magazine does the aforementioned purposes set forth by my mother, but it’s done so much more.  In an age of trashy mags that my mother never let me read, yes even as I got older(!), I’m refreshed at your phenomenal articles, relevant information, informed opinions on issues, and of course the increasingly necessary guidance on staying beautiful, radiant, and confident. Much more appreciated at 33!
 
That said, my mom was the most beautiful woman in the world. I always nudged her to enter your MORE Beauty Search, but while she was beautiful on the outside, she was a shy little thing who was MORE beautiful on the inside.  Attached is an image of us so you can see how gorgeous she is.

See I just lost my momma almost 2 months ago on 02/28/13.  She was feeling tired and nauseous, thinking she had the flu and after a week she went into the hospital and on February 10th she was diagnosed with Leukemia, AML specifically.  We got her through the first round of chemo with it doing very little to touch the cancer (it got only 5%) and then her very healthy 56-year old body just couldn’t handle the nasty effects of the chemo.  Evidently she had FLT3, a mutant of AML, that is the rarest, fastest moving form of Leukemia.  Bless her heart, we lost her just 18 days after her diagnosis.  She was the most wonderful mother who inspired me more than you know: she always put her kids first, devoted her life to her marriage of 38 years, proved that you could do anything at any age (got her bachelor’s degree at 48!), and inspired me to go on and achieve wonderful things.  She’s not famous….she didn’t make a ton of money…she didn’t ever want recognition….but she touched MORE lives MORE deeply than any other person I know.
 
I felt compelled to write you because I just got my MORE magazine just the other day and it warmed my heart.  With mother’s day approaching, the sadness is welling up in my heart the closer it gets.  But getting your magazine each month (that she has on auto-pay to this day!) is like an ongoing little reminder of her presence in my life. It has been for years and now so it means even more.
 
So thank you.  I know you’re in the business of magazines, but through that, you can and do touch lives.
Thank you,
--Angela

First off, congratulations on producing such a great magazine!

In this months issue of MORE, Lesley Jane Seymour spoke of how to be an age warrior.  I thought of my 1,300 word true story, "Just Relax." I was coming to grips with, well--the grips of a young guy squeezing my thighs. This is what 40-50 feels like!

Another massage that went awry took place in New York. I've attached the 1,500 word "Gothic Massage."  The first one was a Southern California experience and both rub downs were anxiety provoking for different reasons.  I think these tales would have a strong appeal to your readership.  And, who doesn't need a laugh?  Neither of these stories have been published.

I am the author of two novels of women's contemporary fiction and produce storytelling events in Long Beach, California.  My third novel, "The Valentine State" will be available in June. You may read more about me on my website, naturally.  (I would love to use italics in this letter, however this email version won't let me. Sorry.)

Thank you for your time and consideration.I just read the letter from the editor about how to be an age warrior. I for one am sick of the negativity surrounding aging. Comments like "bring the subject of aging out in the open" or "we need to keep going" only supports that kind of negativity,speaking of aging as though it's a disease. I love the aging process,not everyone sees it as something we wish we could stop. Yes, it may have drawbacks but those existed in being young also. There is no perfect age.

--Mariana Williams

I looked forward to turning 40 for several years, knowing at that point I would have accomplished certain things and that many of may goals will have already been met. I appreciate the wisdom and confidence that come with getting older because of life experiences. I'm no longer struggling with education, career, or family ambitions. I can focus on me now and having fun and doing anything I want or don't want.

I enjoy fashion but I'm not worried with how I'm viewed, I realize now, how clothes make me feel is what's important. I love not having to keep up appearances in any aspect of my life, I've earned where I am at in life and I will enjoy it anyway I see fit.

Yes, youth is wonderful but aging also has so many upsides and I for one embrace it! Enjoy life at every age!
--Rosemary Chavarria

Lesley,

I was bitchy enough to complain about your former, out-dated photo; it is past time for me to compliment you on your lovely, up-to-date head shot.

It's fresh, and shows your wonderful aura and personality--not to mention your better than ever beauty.

Brava,
--Debbi Smith

Dear Sandy,
I just read your piece in MORE magazine and while I've never done this before, I had to write and say THANK YOU. I'm following about ten years behind you, as a 40-year-old breadwinner with small children and an amazing husband who opened a martial arts school after being downsized a few years ago. (Although, to be truthful, I've always significantly out-worked and out-earned him.)
You described all the petty things I struggle with. The sense of "fairness," the tallying up who does more (me, always me!)... and OH, the resentment of having to put myself together for a high-level job on a mid-level budget, when all the other directors have manicures and new shoes (and twice the disposable income)! On my worst days, I feel like a chump. On my best days, I realize we're pioneers in some ways, and setting the right example for my daughter and son.
Just this morning my husband and I had one of our talks - - the only thing holding us together is honest communication and a lot of humor. Yet again, we hashed out redistributing the chores and the free time - - making sure the workload still works for both of us. (I recently left a great full time job to freelance, which is scary and wonderful all at the same time. But I still out-earn him several times over.)
Anyway - no need to reply to this. I just wanted you to know how much your words resonated, and how grateful I am for an honest perspective on how tough it really can be to subvert traditional gender roles.
Thanks so very much,
--Sara Stinski
 

Hi Lesley, just read your "letter from the Editor" in the April MORE, and wanted to respond to the "We all age" statement.  Just before my 70th birthday, I was asked how I felt about being that momentous age!

I had just heard Laura Linney say in an interview that she and her friend Jamie Lee Curtis are  planning to "just grow old gracefully" because "Aging is a PRIVILEGE; NOT everybody gets to do it!" So that's now my "mantra"!

I also think of my mother saying, "I look in the mirror and I can't believe what I see...because I'm still the same little kid on the inside!"  Now I get it!

So I just wanted to share my thoughts with you...I'm a very active New Yorker, and I , too, am trying to grow old gracefully, enjoying all that life has to offer!   I feel very lucky! 
--Dede Rothenberg

Hi Lesley,

So enjoy each issue of MORE. Only one thing bothers me--the very small  font type used in many of your features articles. I realize the necessity of squeezing as much on a page as possible. Just please keep in mind that your magazine is geared to women who "might" need reading glasses. Thank for a great magazine.  
--Jane Gillis

I was not sure where to send a comment on an article in your April issue, so I am taking a chance and sending it to this email address.

Regarding the article What's fueling Mommy Wars? I just want to say STOP! I really wish women would STOP judging each others decisions and SUPPORT each other. I am tired of the working Mom versus the stay at home Mom battle. Both are making the BEST decision for them, so let it be.

I just became a stay at home Mom, of 7 month old twin girls. And after leaving a 25 year career, I am elated that I made the decision to stay at home. I am an older Mom and nothing right now is more important to me than loving and rearing my girls. When I do return work, and I will, I will make sure the work I chose is meaningful enough that it is worth leaving my girls for.

So I wish for all the Mom's of the world is stop the fighting, stop the judging and learn to respect, love and support each other.

Thanks for letting me vent!
--Juliette Atwi

Good afternoon,

I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate the magazine; I took part in a survey awhile back and complained that you don’t offer a conservative woman’s point of view.

I usually buy because of the cover model usually an actor that I admire but hadn’t been much impressed with the content. That changed with the last couple of issues; i.e. Julia Louis-Dreyfus April 2013 and a previous one with Katie Couric as a cover. I like how it explored the pro-life/pro-choice opinions and the mommy wars. I also appreciate the articles written by Gen X authors because I’m the first wave of that generation.

That said I wish someone would have asked JLD and Katie how they manage to look so great, no hint of batwing arms or jowelly cheeks!

Regards,
--Katherine Lewis

As long as I was in my 40s and 50s, I felt your magazine addressed me and my interests and needs. However, now that I’m 60, I’m struck by the fact that you limit your reader population to women 59 and younger (at least in the titles of the articles that you post on the cover).

I’ve depended on MORE to be the magazine for middle-aged and older women. If it isn’t MORE, than who is it? But you limit your fashion advice and examples of how you can look to the 50’s and below. Please include women in their 60s and 70s. I’m still me, even though I’ve passed the line from the 50s to 60. In fact, since there are many magazines that appeal to 30 year olds, why not focus on the 40s to 60s? Women in that age span have more in common than we have with 30 year olds.

Thanks.

P.S. And when I’m in my 80s, I’ll probably send another email and ask you to, again, extend the ages that you address in your articles about fashion, skin care, and lifestyle.
--Rebecca Parker, PhD

Dear Lesley,

While I appreciate your attempt to offer sensible advice for looking good at any age, the styles you suggest for the 60's are sooooo very bad.  There is only one spot of color, on the bracelet!  The low healed pump works for a younger woman, on whom it would look polished (probably without the flower), but for me, at age 66, the feeling is dowdy.  (On second thought, that shoe doesn't work for anybody.) And I love Diane Keaton, but am not taken with her clothing style.  She gets away with it because she is wonderfully fun and bright and, apparently, feels great in her choices.  And a loose fitting waist so I can have two desserts?  Not even worth a comment.

I am drawn to certain elements of all your age groups and would not hesitate to add those in an eclectic way that shows my individuality and ongoing LOVE of clothing and accessories to express myself.  I do applaud you for mixing costly items with more affordable options. We can always approximate an extravagantly expensive coat with something we can afford, if we see the style elements and seek those out.

It was a bold move, trying to help us look great as we age, but, for me, it affirmed my belief that age is more a state of mind than an actual style box in which to live.  I am complimented on how I look almost every day, not because I am beautiful, but because I bother to do what I can with clothing, make up, healthy living, and self care, all of which enhance my presence and keep me in the flow of everyday life, even as I pursue two professions that are focused on the care of others.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going shopping for color, lots of color.  Peace and love to you and your staff.

Sincerely,
--Cindy Brown

My first issue with the website is not even having a Contact Me for suggestions.  All the site seems to care about is if I am having trouble with my subscription.           

I've had a subscription to More for several years.  It used to be the magazine for women over 40.  I find it is becoming more and more geared to younger women as well.            

I have also written to More and disappointedly received not even an  acknowledgement of my e-mail (as I suspect the same for THIS e-mail as  well).           

I would like to see More get off the main road for a change and interview Joan Jett who is over 50 and has been rocking since she was  16.  Or other members of her band The Runaways; Cherie Currie who now carves trees using a chainsaw!  Perhaps Lita Ford who left music behind to start a family and with a recent divorce behind her, has gotten back  into rock and roll.  Maybe Victory Tischler-Blue who is now a  Producer.  All of these "older" women have something to tell.  I'm tired of actress who make a quarter million dollars an episode.  I'm supposed to relate to this?  I can relate more to these ladies.            

What about it More?  Will you even acknowledge my thoughts?           

Regards,     
--Aleta* 

Hi,

 

I read this article, The Mommy Wars, while waiting for an appointment.  I do not remember who, and how many people you surveyed, but I found the results to be slightly untrue, or exaggerated.

I have a B.S. Degree in Family and Child Development from Virginia Tech.  I have worked in, and with, child care centers across the country (due  to several moves with my military husband).  I have worked at amazing centers, and a few not so amazing ones.  Deep in my heart I knew when I had children, I was going to stay home.  No one would look at my husband and I and deem us "privileged."    The article states, and I quote, "LET'S BE clear:It is a privileged group of women and men who ever confront this decision." 

Well, our decision was for me to stay home and raise our children.  We lived in a two bedroom, maybe 650 square apartment for 7 years while only owning one vehicle, that was already 10 years old.  As a family we will look back at pictures, drawings, scrapbooks and videos and just laugh and remember all that we did  together.  I guess, in a way, I wanted my husband and I to be the ones to teach our children first!

We did not have many material possessions in our small home.  I saw other families with all the matching furniture with bins from Ikea, to hold their children's toys.  My boys carried their toys in milk jugs with the tops cut off.  We did not buy new clothes, but instead shopped thrift and second hand stores.  A day of fun included a ride on the town bus to play at the park and have a picnic.

I just wish that your magazine would have also shown the side of those folks who do CHOOSE to stay home, without being "privileged" and make it work.

I now work as the Finance Director for an amazing child care center, where I worked part-time as a teacher after my youngest went into first grade.  We are doing well financially, as we stick to the life-style we started over 18 years ago.  I still work part-time, by choice, so I can be home with our youngest son when school is over.  We have a small, modest, older three bedroom home.  And, we still own only one vehicle...I bike or walk to work.

So, my point is...if Moms or Dads really, really want to stay home with their young children (or go on to homeschool) it can be done...even if you are not "privileged." 

Sincerely,
--Kristina Alderson

This is my first issue of More... fairly impressed for about 100 pages and then the ridiculous article by one of your editors no less! 

The conclusion in particular removed any ounce of respect I have for editor Braunschweiger and casts a poor light on my thoughts about the magazine entirely.

What a crummy article, what a way to make excuses...  those moms who stepped up when the sitter was unavailable - probably all felt so sorry for your child who is raised by others and they helped out not to help the parents but for the sake of the child.  The SAHMs are 75% happy with their choice because there is more to value in the world than a paycheck.

Why does an editor with children not start the day at 9am and leave by 3:oo so homework and meals can be with their own child.... work can be finished from home at 7-9pm... that is what the "call to action" advocates for, but even at a magazine for women which acknowledges some choose to work and others must work, why are they not better working conditions at More?
--Anonymous

This is the second issue in my subscription, and I wish it were my last.  I subscribed thinking I would enjoy the articles, but was extremly offended by the use of the "f" word in the Julia Louis-Dreyfus article.  I would think if your magazine is targeted for women, that you wouldn't have to use that kind of language.  Hopefully the May issue will be more sensored.  If not, please refund my $15.00.
--Diane Staman

I enjoy MORE so much.

But, I don't see articles on dress and makeup for 60+ ladies. I am 68 and still working. Women in my age bracket do not feel old and very much yearn for clothes and makeup tips. We have money to spend!

Help!

Thanks for your consideration of this topic.
--Genie Bosch

Hi,

I was disheartened by the captioned article as the photos seemed to emphasize Julia's  "girls" and not her true personality  It seemed more like a People Magazine article - long on sensationalism but short on substance which is why I am a bit disillusioned on the path" More" seems to be taking in their feature articles recently. 

I had already admired "Elaine" but after reading the article, I found myself disappointed by Julia.  As a Language Arts teacher, I have always said to my 7th grade students that "using profanity is a sign of an ignorant mind" and I am unaware of where I read or heard this - but it has stuck with me for many  years. Why must people use profanity to communicate at all?

Julia or the writers of her show can't come up with better nouns, adjectives or verbs?  Really?  Seinfeld did,  which is a tribute to their writers.

I am hoping for improvement as I  feel it is a disservice to women everywhere that we need to lower ourselves to use profanity to get a point across.

You can and should do better.
--Maryellen D. Wrobel

I have been a subscriber to More since the first issue in 1998.  I have looked forward to receiving it every month for many years.  I was 47 when More came on the scene and I felt like I saw myself in its pages more than in any other publication.  In the last couple years you have abandoned women my age and reached down to capture a young market.  I open the magazine now and, more often than not, I am disappointed.  I thought you would grow with me but you seem to have bought into the youth market instead.  Would it have been so bad to splash on the front cover of the April issue, “THIS IS WHAT 40, 50 60 LOOKS LIKE”?  I am beautiful and stylish, too.  I am sad; I think I won’t be renewing my subscription when it runs out.
--Dian Jones

Dear More,

 I am disappointed to find that More seems to be leaning toward a younger market. Two of the more recent issues have addressed fashion and beauty for women in their  30s, 40s and 50s. In my opinion these articles should have been focused on readers in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Many women are interested in fashion, beauty and health well into their 70s, but  those of us in our 60's should certainly be considered in a magazine ostensibly directed originally at women over 40.

Much of the writing is excellent, but there are some very interesting and successful women, both retired and not, who might be featured. Too often the women featured, while deserving, are well under 50. Please get back to giving your senior and pre-senior subscribers MORE.

Sincerely,
--Felice

More Magazine, why have you deserted your loyal readers?

I have noticed in all recent magazines that you are catering to a "younger" readership. Now, you write articles aimed at women from the ages of maybe 30-50 yrs old.

I am one of your original subscribers, and I am SIXTY-THREE years young. No, I don't consider myself over the hill. I am still interested in womens issues and in maintaining my appearance. Yet, you have seemingly left us behind.

Don't forget that those of us in our sixties are the "boomers." We fought the good fight for womens rights and we shattered and questioned many of the stereotypes pertaining to women in earlier generations.

Because you no longer consider women my age to be valuable to your publication, it is time for me to move on. I will not re-subscribe when my subscription comes due.

It's been a good ride while it lasted.

Very truly and formerly yours,
--Marilyn

I have taken MORE for a number of years and greatly enjoy it!  I especially enjoy articles such as "Speak, memory. Louder, please", on the last page that address issues related to aging.  It is reassuring to know others even younger have some of the same problems.  You asked for some feedback.

I don't know how many readers you have my age - 75.  I feel like Julie Louis-Dreyfus on page 104, "It's a little strange seeing yourself age.  You can't believe it is happening to you."  I feel surprised every day that I am 75.

All the women's magazines group ages.  My group is always, OVER 60.  I have to say, my 50s and 60s were great.  I felt great and looked great (I think).  I took my  first full-time job since my 20s at 50 years old.   I had changed careers and loved it.  Skin, body and hair were still looking good. 

But 70 and older is so much different in body, hair  and skin.  I believe the women 70 and over need different advice and suggestions on clothing and makeup.  We can't wear sleeveless, short skirts, tight clothing or deep necklines.  We need a lot of lightweight moisturizers all over and simple makeup!

It would be wonderful to see a new category of  OVER 70 and/or OVER 75.  I don't want to dress "old", but I don't want to look ridiculous, either.  As we are mostly retired, we also need cosmetics and clothing to be moderately priced.

I intend to buy the Cerave Hydrating Cleanser that Laura Forman recommended on page 93.  I am always on the lookout for new, reasonably priced, and effective products.

I doubt I am the only 75 year old that still wants to look attractive and be appropriately dressed.

Thank you for considering this.
--Dianne Howard

Ms. Seymour -

I have been debating for months about renewing my subscription to More when it expires later this year. I really want to embrace More as "the" magazine for women over 40 but the magazine seems to abhor the use of the Number 60. On the cover of the April 2013 the tagline "This is what 30, 40, 50 Looks Like" made a subscriber, like me, ho is 60+ feel left out and upset. However, when I looked at the article itself there were women who were 60+. Why the absence of the Number 60 from your cover? Why leave that demographic off the cover? You must realize that women in their 60s are going to be the largest female population, with some of the largest incomes and the most flexible lifestyles for the next several years. Why? We are the "boomers", and even though I hate that term, we will be a force to reckon with. We are the parents/breadwinners who are dealing with "boomerang" children and their families. We own the homes, we have the financial security, we have the buying power. We are the ones fueling the healthy eating/living revolution - not the 30 and 40 year olds. We are the ones leaving jobs we have been able to keep for at least two decades, not to retire, but to embark on Encore careers. This is who we are yet More, seems to hate having the Number 60 on their cover in words and in cover models.

I have long questioned More's stories about the women who start their own busineses because they are generally about women who are married to rich men or are rich in their own right. I have long lamented the scarcity of women of color in your magazine. But I have kept up my subscription despite those misgivings. I want to be a More reader but I wonder if you really know your reader base as well as you imagine. If you continue to ignore the 60+ female demographic you are going to lose that readership base. Life does not end at 59 1/2 years of age. I hope that you will begin to dedicate more space in More for women who are more than what you seem to give them credit for.
--Gay L. Calhoun

You really seem to have a biased view of the world.

You have a story on page 68 about a women who's whining about the fact that she makes more than her husband and she doesn't think it's fair.  He should be spending less, more considerate about how hard she works to make a living. This follows a story about Phylise Sands who hadn't worked for 20 years. You don't mention how her husband felt about her spending, her not earning any income, what she spent on clothes, food, etc.  How he funded her startup out of his earnings.

So it is OK for a women to be supported by a man but if it is the other way around the woman says it is not fair.
--Marc

I like the magazine, but when am I going to see "this is what 60, 70, and 80 looks like" I was fabulous at 50, and turned heads at 60, I am now 69, still going strong....but what the heck will 80 be like?

Let's have some realism here....we live into our 80s. The magazine is really into injecting this and that into our faces and other parts of our bodies. How about some natural beauties? We are surely out there!
--Anonymous

The opening paragraph of your editor's letter was such a negative commentary on the phenomenon of aging. Your discouraging remarks about the unstoppability and inevitability of aging is totally incongruous with a magazine whose mission is to celebrate and encourage women over forty.   You are correct when you state that we do not have a choice in the matter of growing older but wrong in lamenting that it is something that happens to everyone; it is, indeed, a privilege denied to many. 
--Cynthia Jarjour

Why stop beauty & style guides at 50s? I'm 64 & still want to look my best well into my 70s & even 80s! There's no fashion/lifestyle magazine for us older boomers.  Maybe you'll be the one?

Gratefully,

--Gina Logan

I am responding to your request for the readers to speak to you.   I enjoy the articles and the additional knowledge.

After reading the article on dense breasts, I did not appreciate having to thumb through seven pages of vacation destinations ads to finish reading about this important subject. Really???

Thank you for your time.

--Janet

 

I'm writing abt the article abt Julia Louis-Dreyfus.  The article contains the words "'sh--" & "fuc---".  Quoting or not, I'm not reading Playboy.
Why allow these words --or that sentence in your article?  You're an Eng. major…are these words, kind of words, necessary & what do they
add to the article?  In magazines, on tv, we are allowing more & more, what used to be 'bad words'.  I know the population uses them but
they use them becuz they hear them/read them more often these days.  Again, what do they add to anything.  Kids use the words becuz
they think its 'cool' & 'grownup'.  If they use these words, tell the subject of your article it will not be printed.  There are still those of us
who don't really want to see these words in print in your kind of magazine.  Does the number of readers increase becuz you use these words?
Certainly there will be one less if it continues.  
 --Shirley Hetzer
Shirley HetzerSo disappointed in my MORE subscription.  1.  I received the March issue Saturday in mail, hello its April.

2.  the article on what to wear in your 40's  HIDEOUS!  I am 48 and would never wear any of that! completely ugly and old lady looking.    I even asked my fiancĂ© about the clothing and he said he didn't like any of the clothing either!  Not the way a sexy, chic 40 something would dress.!.  Nothing in any of the magazine  sticks out in my mind except too many advertisements and the ugly clothing.
It was a complete waste of money to subscribe to your magazine.
--Lisa Didas

First Published Tue, 2013-03-26 12:11

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http://www.more.com/member-voices/your-letters/we-hear-you-letters-our-april-2013-issue