Are You Waiting for Your Soul Mate?

by Dr. Fayr Barkley, Ph.D. • More.com Member { View Profile }

Let’s assume there is a soul mate and each person has one. Let’s say you live in California, are Catholic, Caucasian, and want to date or marry another Catholic—you wouldn’t dream of going outside your religion. Your "type" is blonde, tall, blueeyed WASP, and muscular, professional with a college education and a background similar to yours. You love shopping, spas, first class travel and the opera. You have always dreamed of living in a lovely 4 bedroom home with an ocean view.

Now let’s assume your soul mate lives in Kenya, is black skinned and a totally does not believe in God.This person is also short, over weight and has brown eyes, black hair, speaks no English and not at all someone you are attracted to. He or she lives in a small, rural  village, eeks out a living but has no formal education and can’t afford a car. He or she lives in a desert area hundreds of miles from the water and no one’s ever heard of a nail salon or day spa. Shopping is like visiting a local flea market and there is no upscale dining/shopping, and the nearest movie theater is 50 miles away in a larger city. Forget the opera.

What a dilemma! But this is your soul mate! Thousands of miles away and not at all what you envisioned. This is not the person you cut out of a magazine and put on your vision board. What do you do? Do you hop a plane and rush to this person because they are your soul mate or do you "settle" for someone who is not your soul mate but has more in common with you and can share a life with you that fits into what you both always wanted?

The fallacy of the soul mate search is that while we may "yearn" for our soul mate, he or she may not come in the package we want. There is no guarantee from the Universe that our soul mate meets our physical or earthly criteria. If you are a staunch Christian would you date or marry your soul mate if he or she were an Atheist? Meeting one’s soul mate is still no guarantee that things will work out and be perfect. There is no "happily ever after" clause or guarantee and no customer service number to call with complaints. If I am going to spend my life and my money trekking around the world searching for my soul mate, I want to see something in writing that guarantees I’ll get what I am looking for first.

Plus, did you ever consider this: Let’s say you meet your soul mate. What makes you so sure he or she would want to be with you? What if they are not spiritually evolved enough to overcome the trappings of this physical realm? How do you even meet someone if they take one look at you and decide you don’t fit the photos on their vision board?

If soul mates are those who have a soul connection, then the presumption is that we can override our earthly, physical, financial wants/needs/criteria in favor of finding "the one" who matches us on a soul level. The problem is, we live on a physical plane. We are influenced and attracted by sight, scent, emotion, touch, personality…Are you really ready and willing to say,"I don’t care if he has two heads, one leg and teeth growing out of his arm pits, if we are soul mates, I will love him!" and sincerely mean it? What if you meet your soul mate and he is a paraplegic in a wheel chair and you always dreamed of someone who will go snow boarding, water skiing and rock climbing with you? After all, Illness, accidents and other physical things can happen to our soul mates while we are waiting for them.

Since there are more average and non attractive people in the world compared to the numbers of outrageously handsome and beautiful people in the world, what would you be willing to settle for in the looks department? What if you soul mate just didn’t do it for you chemistry wise?

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