Could a May-December pairing be in your future? "If you’re uncomfortable with the idea there is no sense pushing it, but having similar principles and moral values are more important than a difference in years," says Sally Burns, the co-host of The Cave Report, a radio show on XM and Sirius. She laughs, "Things can get dicey if one person hears ‘Moonwalk’ and thinks Michael Jackson and the other thinks of, well, the moon."
Virginia-based psychotherapist/relationship coach Toni Coleman, LCSW, explains, "The pros and cons may vary depending upon the ages of individuals and the actual age difference between them." You need to consider issues such as his desire for children and your compatibility in terms of lifestyle stage and career agendas. A big concern, according to Coleman, who is the founder of consum-mate.com, is the reaction his family may have to the pairing and how this could impact the relationship down the line.
Your solutions to these dilemmas might be quite creative. Sara Rogers was childless and twice divorced when she married Ron, 19 years her junior. She was open to the idea of becoming a parent, so the two adopted a baby girl from China. She was less open to admitting her real age to her traditionalist in-laws. Now 53, Sara admits sheepishly, "Luckily I look young. Dan was okay about lying to them. They think I’m 45."
In the end there are just two people whose opinions and needs matter. No matter what your age, life is short. So why not pack in as much as you can for as long as you can?
Coo coo ca-choo.
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About Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry Amatenstein, MSW, is the author of Love Lessons from Bad Breakups and Q&A Dating Book. She runs dating seminars around the country and does private coaching — not to help singles marry in 60 days, but to uncover their blocks. She has given relationship advice on the Early Show, Regis, Inside Edition, CBS News, VH1, BBC, and many other programs. Her philosophy is that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.
Originally published on MORE.com, July 2007