Do You Want to Win or Be Happy?

by Kristen Houghton • More.com Member { View Profile }

All couples fight. It is part of the relationship ups and downs. However, in the heat of an argument sometimes the only thing we can think about is winning the fight. It doesn’t matter how we win; just winning can become an obsession. At times we’ll fight dirty just to become the “victor.”

But in victory there is always a type of defeat. You may have won but you have won at a cost and that cost is your happy relationship. Here’s why.

If you have the need to always “be right” you should understand that you are undermining the very foundations of a good relationship. No one is right all the time the same as no one is always wrong. You have to ask yourself if it is worth the pain of unhappiness to come out the winner all the time. What’s more important, a happy relationship or a smug feeling of doubtful victory?

Fighting is an art and there are rules.

Agree to disagree.

You won’t change your mind on the issue and neither will he. That’s fine. You’re individuals with your own opinions. Let it stand as a “friendly disagreement.”

Compromise.

Diplomats know this well. You get some of what you want and he gets some of what he wants. No one loses all the marbles.

Set a limit.

You love this person. Don’t take a fight beyond where it should go.

Be strategic.

Don’t fight when either one of you is tired, hungry, or had a rotten day.

See the other’s point of view.

His views are just as valid as yours – no matter what you think.

Be a lover, not a warrior.

What’s more important to your life; war or love? Enough said.

Focus on settling the fight.

Winning isn’t everything (no matter what your high school coach said).

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