5 Reasons You Need to Start Dating Your Husband

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean your dating days should be behind you.

Photograph: iStock photo

By trade, I’m a matchmaker and dating coach, rushing to the aid of single girls everywhere.  But, what happens after the women I “match” march down the aisle?  Are their dating days behind them?  Not if I have anything to do with it. They might be married, but dating their husband is critical to the success of that marriage.   Here’s why.

Staying sane
Life’s busy.  Add kids, work and a million and one obligations into the mix, and it’s easy to feel swallowed up by all the things on your to-do list.  For your sanity and his, set some time aside, away from it all, to just be together as a couple.  Make sure that date-night (or “date-hour”) talk is focused on the both of you and not what’s happening at home.  It’s a time to de-stress and, if all goes well, laugh and chat like you did in the days when you were more “couple” and less “team” tackling all the chores of family life.?

Sex
It matters in a marriage.  I don’t know how much of it you’re having, but I’d bet it still isn’t enough.  Setting a date-night means setting the expectation that more than a goodnight kiss will happen at the front door.  And, why shouldn’t it? You two entered into this marriage out of love, support and caring for one another.  Just because the altar is 5, 10 or 20 years behind you in the rear view mirror, doesn’t mean that sex isn’t important.  It is, and you need to make sure that you’re having it, even if it means scheduling it onto the calendar.  ?

Staying on the same page
Who you are today, probably isn’t who you were the day you walked down the aisle.  We change and evolve as people as we age.  If you don’t tap your husband into who you are and what you’re thinking, he’s going to lose sight of you…and you of him.  A weekly date-night is the perfect time to share your side of the story and hear his in return.?

Romance
Romance is high up on the list for most women of what they’d like to see more of from their husband.  But, there’s a perception out there that men just aren’t romantic.  I’m here to tell you that it’s not true.  More often than not, they just don’t know what to do.  They’re building off a more cliché idea of romance that they’ve seen us blubber over in a Meg Ryan movie.  I say, set them straight and show them the way.  Romance isn’t about grand gestures and high-priced gifts.  It’s a note on the bedside table that reads “save the last dance for me tonight.”  It’s a surprise back rub.  Small doses that you can dole out over time.  He’ll follow your lead. 

That little black dress
I have friends who can’t even remember the last time they got dressed up…their closet houses an endless supply of yoga pants and casual looks that say nothing about their femininity.  Something happens to them when slide into that little black dress and slip on those heels.  Suddenly, they’re a woman…one to be desired, nonetheless.  Let date night be your night to remember that you’re more than your career, than your kids, than your spouse.  You are a woman.  And, sometimes you want to let them all hear you roar. ??

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