Reinventing Romance: Dating After Divorce

Expert over 40 dating advice on dating after divorce.

By Sherry Amatenstein, MSW

Reentering the Dating Scene after DivorceQ. I’m recently out of a long, airless marriage, emotionally over my ex and ready to get out there on the dating scene. But times have changed drastically since the last time I was single. Back in college it was easy to find cute, available guys. Twenty-five years later, the ones I meet have spouses attached. I’m not the bar type, I’m nervous about online dating, and none of my friends know single guys…. What do you suggest? — PamA. This is a watershed moment in your life — daunting yet rife with possibilities. No longer chained to something stale but safe, the future is your own — make that just your own.Before addressing where to find men, let’s touch on your motive for entering the singles scene. It sounds like you are truly over your ex. Brava. But is the "alone in a king-size bed lifestyle" leaving you feeling that one is definitely not company, meaning life won’t feel safe until you’re part of a duo? Dating with a mission not only makes you uber-vulnerable thus hampering your powers of discernment about a man’s character, it causes you to exude eau de desperation, which is the only scent less appealing than skunk.If your goal is not to leap back into couple-dom but have fun, enjoy the experience of meeting new people, take the time to get to know yourself, and figure out what kept you locked for years in an airless relationship, then the advice below is for you:The best way to meet the right person with whom to ultimately share your life is to live your life. Volunteer for a worthy cause. Attend lectures, book signings, and wine tastings. Try Web sites like, which connects people in local communities who share the same interests. Talk to the sweaty man on the bike next to you at the gym. Change your routine (i.e., try a different Starbucks or grocery store), look up old boyfriends, make new girlfriends (some might know a cute guy or two), consider men outside your "type" as in older, younger, fatter, poorer, balder, hairier…. The secret to success in all spheres is to be passionate and engaged — and not the type that comes with a ring!Do you have a tough question about dating or relationships?E-mail Sherry at and your question might be featured in an upcoming column.Email Sherry About Sherry AmatensteinSherry Amatenstein is the author of Love Lessons from Bad Breakups and The Q&A Dating Book. She runs dating seminars around the country and does private coaching — not to help singles marry in 60 days, but to uncover their blocks. She has given relationship advice on the Early Show, Regis, Inside Edition, CBS News, VHI, BBC, and many other programs. Her philosophy is that the most important relationship you’ll ever have is with yourself.Schedule a one-on-one coaching session with Sherry Buy Love Lessons from Bad Breakups Buy The Q&A Dating Book Originally published on, April 2007.

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