Newsflash to the nubile young lovers out there: that middle-aged couple is having better sex than you are. According to Susan Quilliam, co-author of the recently published The New Joy of Sex (Pocket books, 2009), "There’s plenty of research that shows sex gets better for women as they get older…It’s one of the best-kept secrets of women’s lives." Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! (Go ahead and sing that to any tune of your choice, it sounds fabulous, even off key).
Why is this the case? I have yet to read the book, but can answer that with a few good guesses of my own. First of all, the sexiest part of the human body is not in the nether regions, it is the brain. When it comes to making love, attitude and passion are all about the gray matter, not someone’s endowment, six-pack or perky pair of boobs.
In other words, out with the perfection and in with the pleasure. A woman in her forties and beyond shows up when it comes to intimacy; sex is not something done to her, sex is something she often initiates…with gusto, verve, and a fine-tuned sense of what turns her on and satisfies her switch.
Once upon a time, I wondered why older women would be interested in younger men, but now I know it is likely the other way around. Younger men recognize an uninhibited sense of joy for physical love in older woman that only comes from experience and time. Her confidence and diminished inhibitions make her a delicious thirst quencher. Ripened like a fine wine, if you will.
Lovers in this age bracket are less obsessed about maintaining the perfect body. For them, the physique is about utility and fun. Breasts may sag, tummies may flab, hair may drag, but none of that really matters in soft candle light and a warm bed. Or the ottoman, the sofa, the dining room table, and even the outdoor patio furniture. She is built for comfort, not speed so sex really is about mutual pleasure and satisfaction, not sucking in the gut or flaunting the gluts. Heck, if the neighbors have never overheard some late night loving, those middle-aged sweethearts are likely to think, it’s about time!
Finally, women who are done making babies get to focus on making love in a way that transcends the nagging worries of unwanted pregnancy. And that release of anxiety also gives way to a greater acceptance and exploration of sensual fantasies. When, how, now and again; the pleasure of sex with a partner who knows her well means less judgment and more joy, less worry and more love.
But don’t expect her to boast to her younger sisters about her well-satiated libido; a lover of her class is too refined to flaunt anything but lovely lingerie. Besides, it is still our favorite little secret…