It’s one thing to peruse Facebook for a few minutes at work every now and then. It’s another to use it as a way to communicate to the outside world how hungover, miserable, or bored you are during office hours. If your friend list contains one or two coworkers, those comments could ruin your status at the office. Here, seven off-limits updates.
1) _____ wonders why everyone is so incompetent.
Chances are, a few of those “incompetent” people are on your friend list. And if you just finished working on a project with one of them, they might have an inkling you’re referring to them. Not only will this make for some awkward moments at work, but they could follow your lead and get back at you via Facebook ... and a raging Internet war could ensue for all of your co-workers to see.
2) _____ is still waiting for my car service to the airport! So glad I have my new iPhone and that my meeting with the CEO isn’t until four. If anyone else is in L.A., email me and we’ll meet at the Ivy for lunch tomorrow!
These kind of updates just make you look smug, self-absorbed, and like you have delusions of being a celebrity. It’s great if you have a fabulous job where you get to travel, get chauffeured around in fancy cars, and take meetings with bigwigs. But it’s a lot cooler if you don’t broadcast it. (Although, please post if you do happen to have any good celeb sightings while you’re lunching in La-La Land.) In fact, it’s so obnoxious, one anonymous blogger started Facebragthis.com, a site dedicated to cringe-worthy clue-ins.
3) _____ wishes her boss would go on vacation with no Blackberry reception.
While you may secretly wish this (and spend half your day trying to send telepathic messages that she should book a one-way ticket to Antarctica), it just makes you look unprofessional and immature. Sounds like you could really use a break from technology after posting this one!
4) _____ is contemplating calling out sick tomorrow. “Sniffle Sniffle.”
The only reason you should be taking a sick day after writing this one is to regain some lost brain cells. While your best friend may find this hysterical, remember that this will show up in your colleagues News Feed, too, and it will spread like wildfire that you’re scheming to play hooky. Unless you find the time to craft some Ferris Bueller-style decoys, you’re in trouble. And if you’re actually sick one day in the future, no one will believe you. Haven’t you heard that old wives tale, “The Account Executive Who Cried Wolf”?
5) _____ is sneaking out for the Marc Jacobs sample sale! Meet me there!
You may be known as the office fashionista, but save your sample-sale shout-outs for the weekend or your lunch hour. Everyone has to pop out of the office for a doctor’s appointment here and there, and if you just so happen to pass a great sale after receiving a clean bill of health, then by all means treat yourself to the half-priced, distressed leather tote you’ve wanted since last season. But don’t blast it to all 565 of your friends that you’re NOT at work, doing your job. It’s bad for business.
6) _____ wants to know how people get to be managers with no actual skills.
This one falls into the same category as status update No. 3. Everyone gets frustrated with their boss from time to time. And while you may find yourself stewing with resentment that they appear too leisurely by making their 15th coffee run of the day while you’re slaving away over spreadsheets, don’t make it public. Vent to your real-life friends, in person, preferably at happy hour.
7) _____ wonders if her co-workers noticed that she’s wearing the same clothes as yesterday.
Well, if they didn’t, they do now, genius! If you were out on the town and pulled an all-night party session, please, pretty please, do whatever you can to make it home for a quick change before work. Even if you’re five minutes late, your co-workers will thank you for not making your entire cubicle area smell like vodka and french fries all day long. And the fact that you’re posting this on Facebook makes others think you want them to know about your late-night shenanigans. Not a good move for earning respect at work.
Originally published on WORKS by Nicole Williams