Divorce TMI

When sharing too much information about your divorce becomes too much for everyone.

Lois Tarter • Divorce Expert/Divorce Party Planner
weddings, divorce, too much information
istock

Divorce TMI (Too Much Information) is something that many of us are often guilty of.  When we're knee deep -- or, neck deep -- in a divorce battle, we try to rally the troops to gain emotional support.  Getting advice from people who are close to us is one thing, but taking advantage of their sympathetic ear is another.  Of course, you want to let the world know when your ex cancels plans to take the kids camping for the weekend because of his new girlfriend.  However, while it seems like a polarizing event to you, it probably isn't to anyone else.  When going through a divorce, we're so caught up in our own drama that we don't realize what we're doing to other people.  In fact, some of the ones closest to us often take the brunt of our complaints. 

Our friends are often instrumental in helping us move forward during and after a tough time in life.  You can call a true friend at any hour...unless it's the fifth call after 1AM this week complaining about your ex.  Sure your friends will be there for you during your divorce, but you can't drag them down with a constant play-by-play.  Your endless rant about divorce attorney bills will get older to your girlfriends quicker than last year’s fashions.  Just like you sometimes need one good cry to get over a dilemma, I suggest having one good talk with each of your closest friends. You will get their opinion, support and attention.  If you keep talking to them about the same stuff over and over, you begin to lose their interest. The best role your friends can play is to get your mind OFF of your divorce.  It would be helpful if you could take some time to enjoy life with them, talking about the future and not dwelling on the past.

The kids ARE all right, that is unless you start talking to them about the divorce.  One of the most negative things you can do to your children is to complain to them about how badly their father is behaving.  And it doesn't matter how old they are.  It can affect them on a deep level all the same.  The thought of divorce and the changes that go with it are difficult enough for a child, so please be mindful at all times. Also, they often hear things you don't want them to.  Make sure your phone calls about the divorce are done in private.

Divorce TMI often follows you when you leave the house and the first stop is usually the office.  Water cooler talk with your coworkers about your divorce is not a way to quench your desire to move on.  On Monday morning, nobody really wants to hear about the weekend you spent arguing with your ex. Now that you're divorced, it's more important than ever remain focused on your job.  You may now be on your own financially and need to support your children if you're a single mom.  Remember, word travels fast at the workplace.  If you begin to complain about your divorce it will spread and people will think you’re not in control. You don't want your boss to start worrying about your ability to perform.  Complaining 9 to 5 about your personal life is not the way to get a raise.  More businesslike banter is the key to success. 

Everyone hopes to find love again after a breakup, but Divorce TMI can often make cupid miss his mark.  Talking about your divorce with a potential new love interest that you just met is like dumping a glass of water on the new flame that's starting to glow. You should definitely keep it relaxed when you begin dating again.  Have a fun, stress-free time together.  There are so many exciting things to talk about and do.  If you both have been divorced, it's surely something you have in common.  Maybe you might want to discuss why you both got divorced.  If so, have a chat about it.  Ask your questions, answer his and get past it.  All that's old news, so focus on making new headlines together. 

First Published November 8, 2011

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Comments

marcia 11.26.2011

Great article. Fun to read and so many really good ideas. A positive and upbeat approach to working out your new life.

Paula Kholos11.11.2011

Great, very sensible advice. Send this articale to anyone you know who is getting a divorce, or who is still bitter about a past one.

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