It's time to learn who I am again. When you spend so many years putting your spouse ahead of yourself, you lose who you are. He was my Love of my Life and the reason to come home. To call and hear his voice and see his smile. The smiles were less as the depression claimed the spark that made him who he was. I don't have depression. I have an abundance of serotonin. I was as my mom called me, Her happy child. I only have sadness that visits at strange times. I can still smile but miss him also. He comitteed suicide 3 months ago. He is out of pain and I will go on. I help people to give me strength of purpose. I just couldn't help him, I tried every day. Love was not enough. We spoke of things and he never felt the lack of being loved, nor I. So I repeat to myself the saying that my close friend gave me. It is what it is, you can't change that. Now you go on. I will. I'd tell people to hold the ones you love close and watch for signs if they're depressed. There's always another day less intense and they should hold on.