Vibrators Disguised as Cosmetics?

These new vibrators just might turn you fifty shades of red

by Linda Yellin
buzz vibrator image
Photograph: Bryan McCay

FINALLY, a makeup collection that can really bring color to your face: vibrators disguised as cosmetics to trick anyone who might rifle through your nightstand or purse. At $35 each from TheScreamingO.com (even the site name sounds promising), the vibrators include a rubber-tipped lipstick, a seriously adventurous mascara wand and a bold blush brush, all made with hypoallergenic silicone. And, yes, they come with batteries. All told, the collection promises more than 80 minutes of vibration.

Well, that should do it.

You can also get climax cream ($12) and a stimulation balm ($14). I mean, eyeshadow. Wink wink. “Over 60 million orgasms served!” claims TheScreamingO site. My question: Who counted?

I decide to take these vibrators-in-hiding out for a spin. First stop: a New York City bus. As I set down my purse, it starts buzzing. My mascara’s gone rogue! I whip it out and shut it off. Nobody notices.

At lunch, I place one of the vibrators next to my salad. “Is that a lipstick?” the waitress innocently asks. When I explain, she screeches, “I would totally buy that!”

I head to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where a guard peeks into my bag, smiles and says, “Have a good time.” A part of me thinks, He knows. And after a trip to the U.S. Federal Courthouse, I can testify that vibrators do not set off the metal detectors. Somebody alert Homeland Security.

But the ultimate test is getting past TSA screeners for a vacation flight. In the interest of research, I leave my “blush brush” in the bin next to my sandals. It zips right through.

Good news, in case you ever want to fly solo in the Mile-High Club.
 

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First published in the September 2012 issue

What’s your reaction?

Comments

TamekaM 12.11.2012

I just could not comment here without saying that I love your last name and how it fit right in with this post! It's great to see that toys for women are being made with us totally in mind. Now a lady can be discrete as well as pleasured. Nice! I saw a really cool vibe over on Venus Blogs as well and they are saying it's The Greatest Vibrator in the History of the World! Can you imagine? http://venusblogs.com/who-needs-love-letters/

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