We Hear You! Letters from Our July/August 2012 Issue

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by MORE • Editors
kyra sedgwick image

When I ordered your magazine for myself and my daughter, Adrienne, it was to bridge the five-hour travel distance between us, thinking that we could discuss the fashion trends and articles, and we would continue to share our thoughts via long distance. It has helped us maintain one of the elements of our mother-daughter bond. However, when I finished the July/August 2012 issue, something deeper happened to me, and I feel it’s necessary to write to you.

I first read the magazine in a surgical center while waiting for my husband’s totally detached rotator cuff to be repaired (first surgery 11-11-2010, second one in June of 2011); the surgery went as well as expected. In the More magazine I found that day (and managed to secretly remove) was an article on hair color that I knew my daughter should read, something like “Returning to Your Roots,” and the subscription card which I did later send. Eventually her hair color did change closer to her birth color, and we’ve enjoyed the magazine. But today's reading was meant for me.

In February 2012, my husband suffered a sudden massive heart attack and died (blood clot?), and my world and my son’s and daughter’s lives changed forever. When you watch your loved one take their last breath, it brings such tsunamic change, there are no words to describe it.
The article “Secrets of the Super Resilient” made me stop the tears and mounting self-pity for today and hopefully continue to guide my efforts as I redefine my life.

Many people say to me, “I don’t know how you can do it.” I don't truly know myself, but something in my brain, in my being, has told me over and over to keep pushing . . . allow the pain, the tears, the fears, the financial woes, the enormity to engulf me, and it has every day since his passing. Minutes can be endless while you grieve, but time does not stop. I know that I can't change or fix what has happened, that I must push forward. Writing continues to help my daily struggles as I learn what it means to become a widow at age 55.

Next week I am traveling with my two-year-old yellow Lab, Jack, the five hours to visit my daughter. It was a trip my husband and I had planned to make and celebrate our (7-14) 28th anniversary. All is different now, but I am going—with some trepidation, as Jack has only gone as far as our local vet! But I've learned that love is all that lasts, and it needs to be shared from the cradle to the grave and beyond.

Thank you, Laurence Gonzales, for your timely excerpt; I eagerly await the book. Thank you, Micki Glenn, for your amazing strength that broke through my veil of tears. And of course thank you, More magazine.
--Mrs. Janine Fenell

Of course, we have never met in person, but I have been a reader since the first issue of MORE was published. There are moments when I wonder why I keep subscribing, and then I read something that convinces me to stay. Mothers and daughters have perceptions, realities and truths that are not always transparent. Your article reminded me once again to keep an open mind; many times the illusions/allusions don’t equal the reality.

Thanks for the openness.
--MBF

Just wanted to compliment you on a fantastic article regarding perimenopause in the July/August 2012 issue of More. I am a nurse practitioner and both personally and professionally gained so much from your article. It is the first in-depth explanation of what goes on from perimenopause through menopause, putting women’s concerns to rest and giving specific hints on what one can do during the different cycles of perimenopause. Kudos to More!
--Ellyn Troisi, Family Nurse Practitioner

You hardly gave me a moment to show you how smart I am, and wham! The page link will not accept any more submissions!

1. The magazine came in the mail.

2. It goes in the pile.

Days later I remember that the bills are inside the magazine.

3. The bills go to the computer; MORE comes to the bathroom with me.

4. I get involved with “Resilient” (Lawrence Gonzales) and replace The Buddhist Path morning reading to my recovering TBI son, Patrick, with this enormously fine article.

First Published June 28, 2012

What’s your reaction?

Comments

Martha 08.30.2012

After reading" Spinning a Business out of Nothing" I wonder if Julie Rice and Elizabeth Cutler appreciate President Obama's comment of "you didn't built it yourself". Didn't sound like they built that business with government assistance. Looks to me like a lot of hard work and long hours, but being New Yorkers after leaving California and Colorado , I bet they both will vote for him again. Go figure???

Aeoea 08.27.2012

Regarding the article "Is Siri Sexist?" I find the song "Daisy, Daisy" significant as it is the same song that the HAL2000 sang in the movie 2001 as the character Dave was slowly pulling out it's brain.

leslie 08.26.2012

I was very disappointed in the advice offered in "Your Perimenopausal Handbook". It left me feeling my only choices were HRT or antidpressants, benadryl, oral contraceptives, diuretics or an ADD drug! Seriously? Is this MORE's idea of how far women's health has come in dealing with a natural phase of life in 2012?
There is plenty of evidence, experience and expertise out there to combat the 'HRT or suffer' mentality that has plagued middle aged women since HRT was introduced. Much of it has been championed by Dr. Christiane Northrup, who is barely mentioned in this article. Her advice and expertise is both a breakthrough and life changing.
Personally, after reading 'The Wisdom of Menopause', my life and my attitude has completely changed. I have embraced this completely natural phase in my life, hot flashes and all. A combination of bioidentical progesterone and Estroven have worked for me. This treatment also had an unexpected benefit of stopping my monthly migraines headaches, which I have had for many years, and were connected to hormonal changes prior to my cycle.
I do not expect my experience to be the same for everyone, but you have downplayed any sort of natural supplement and suggested that just because they have not been studied by the FDA, they are somehow risky or dangerous. (Let's not forget all the FDA approved drugs that have caused deaths and other significant debilitating adverse effects.)
I highly recommend every woman experiencing perimenopuase and menopause read Dr. Northrup's book and see that women clearly have choices and our attitudes toward this important stage in life is key to not only surviving it, but flourishing and reveling in it! I have found that instead of a burden, it has been a time for creativity, renewed focus and have embraced this new stage in my life.
Leslie Y.
Cape Coral, FL

Ann Palmer08.20.2012

Good Afternoon, More Editors--
I have just finished the article in the July/August magazine, and I am so astounded by its depth and capacity to save--me for one. I am at such a crossroads in my life, having lost my job and now moving in with my aging, rather unpredictable father who wants nothing to do with my sweet cat--a very important moral support in my life. Losing my career at this time, having battled a serious illness, and the move-out of my only child, are all too devastating to cope with; but this description of Micki Glenn's ordeal seems so huge compared to my crisis. More than that, however, are the suggestions by the author, Laurence Gonzales, which I will now put into practice as I work through this difficult time. I have now put the book on hold at my local bookstore to purchase it the second it becomes available. Thank you, Mr. Gonzales, Micki, and More editors, for running an article with such valuable advice at such a difficult time for so many people. We need more publications that show depth and compassion in their editorial choices--choices that truly help people deal with the crises of a dispassionate world.
Sincerely,
Alise

mstace morris08.01.2012

Why haven't your magazine reviewed my stories I sent to you all since April of this year? They are still pending. Thanks

07.31.2012

I am not renewing my subscription to More for the next year. I have taken several surveys and read many letters from other readers and I don't think we are being heard. There are many women that read your magazine that are not world travelers, or developers, or CEOs, or even seeing our deepest dreams come true because "we have stepped out of our boxes" or "followed our hearts" or "tried a new passion". Do you know some women that read your magazine (I am one of them) have to see if the magazine can fit in our budget that week? Let alone buy a $68.00 bottle of moisture cream. Or a $100.00 blouse. Or open a business. Maybe that catagory of woman shouldn't be reading or buying More? You do kind of own us because I don't know of another magazine that caters to grown women, except Oprah's. And even that one is out there somtimes for the average woman. We are 40, 50, and 60 year old women. Some of us (I am one of them) are at a loss as to what to do with our new older body. I have read 20 articles on what not to wear in the clothes department, what not to say (that is to young and sounds stupid coming out of us), what to not do with hair. Help us out here. Keep the prices down. Don't tell me about a nice jacket, I live in the desert, keep different weather options in mind. I'm not supposed to wear shorts or anything strappy or low cut. I understand that and agree but it is 106 degrees give or take in a lot of the country right now. Please give more info on post-menopause, what can my body do now and what shouldn't I ask of it, what should it look like? I know eye-lids get droopy show me more women that look like me. Thanks for listening, you are, aren't you? Make me want to pay valuable money out of my budget to buy your magazine.

Gail Berry07.22.2012

Gasp ... cough ... cough ... I felt like I had a pair of hands choking me as I read through Mitchard's pathetic and needy piece on (her definition) of "friendship".
Wow ... her former friend Liz must be happy to breathe some air without smelling JM's breath in her face every time she turns around. It sounds more like obsession than friendship.
Get a grip, JM ... in fact, get a better self-image and stand on your own two feet.
Ugh.

Susan C.07.16.2012

I really enjoyed the Memoir by Jacquelyn Mitchard about losing an important friendship. I related to it intensely as I too, parted company with a dear friend several years ago whom I believed was my soul sister, only I was the one to do the 'dumping'. Oddly, the impetus behind me letting my friend go, was the sad realization that I seemed to only be included in her world if I was the one who made most of the effort; and she never lacked for a social life full of friends and experiences. I came to feel like a groupie and that it was a privilege if I found that I had her all to myself for an afternoon or evening, when so many seemed to clamor for her time. I grew weary of watching her throw her life away on one failed marriage or relationship after another. I could no longer bear to go through the emotional roller coaster with her when she immersed herself in yet another new flame. I decided not to contact her anymore and I didn't even send any parting explanation to her; I just simply decided it was over and quit calling and e-mailing her. She has never tried to contact me since, not even to inquire why I haven't stayed in touch. I grieved for my friend, but I gained some clear insight on what true friendship is. It's definitely a two-way street.

Marcia Brinkley07.14.2012

I've been reading More since the very first issue and have always been thrilled with the content but the July/August 2012 is the best issue so far. Kyra Sedgwick has been my favorite actress for years and I am saddened that "The Closer" will soon end. I admire her ability to keep her marriage strong, as well as her ability to be herself, self-proclaimed flaws and all, in the world of acting. Jacqueline Mitchard's article on friendship was thought-provoking, and the article on women changing their bodies was inspiring. I lost 120 lbs. a few years ago and applaud all of the women for making healthy changes and enjoying life more. As all of them said, it isn't about being a size 2, it's about living your life well.
Thank you for this issue.
Marcia Brinkley
Pahoa, HI

Charlotte Carr07.11.2012

Dear Editor,
If you feature Michelle Obama so "freely" in the literal sense, when will you do the same for Anne Romney and give her a cover profile? If I pay for magazines like yours, I at least want a non-partisan and equal forum for conservative readers. Fair and balanced coverage of all candidates and their spouses is a legitimate request. If you can only write and endorse liberal candidates and their families, you will lose me as a customer, who influences many smart and strong women.

07.01.2012

Dear editor, I cant tell you what reading your article "Surviving Survival" did for me. Like Micki, I am also a Radiology Technologist, but that is where the similarity ends. Her accident took place below sea level, mine 12,500 ft above in a skydiving accident. Unlike her, I was not married and I could not have made it through without my two young daughters and my friends. Several of my girlfriends were there for me constantly, Judy took me to physical therapy two and three times a week for six months. Several years younger than me, she died unexpectedly a month after I was able to take myself to p/t. I was devastated. Why Judy and not me? This at a time of emotional struggle in so many ways. Also devastating, twice during my year of recovery, my surgeons discussed the possibility of amputating my leg. I was single and had been actively dating, how was that going to work?! Early one morning I was in the hospital waiting to have one last procedure attempted to save me from having part of my lung removed, when my ex-husband walked in. After berating me, he offered to "put me out of my misery". I was in my most helpless state, emotionally and physically and became nearly hysterical. During this time I thought so many of the same exact things that were voiced in your article, and this has been very healing for me. I was fortunate to find an amazing therapist for my PTSD, but no one I knew could understand what I was going through and how it affected my daily life. My therapist would reassure me that my flashbacks and everything I was feeling was normal, but it is so much more validating and reassuring to hear someone else who has been through it, thinking your same thoughts. I was repeatedly told by everyone how "strong" I was but I never FELT strong. I just did what had to be done next, one foot in front of the other. It is very odd how I came to have this copy of your magazine. My boyfriend (firefighter)handed it to me yesterday, it had come in the mail addressed to his son, no one is sure why. The universe works in mysterious ways. I will be reading it from now on. Sign me, happy to be alive.

Nicole Williams07.01.2012

Dear: Ms. Lesley Jane Seymour,
After reading your July/ August issue, I must say that I love you r magazine. How refreshing it is to see something that is actually more. It’s more substance. It’s more informative. It’s more meaningful than many of the magazines I come across on a daily basis. I have been a magazine reader since I was 15. I was mostly interested in the pictures of fashion and the latest Hollywood fashion. Well now at age 33 I was looking for more. I was tired of seeing some young, barely dressed supermodel or pop star on the cover of my favorite magazines with the same old headlines of “How to please your man in bed.” As I gave different magazines a shot I found myself board between not being a twenty something reader and not quite ready for the mom’s magazines that only focused on things for after you’ve had kids or the cooking/ housekeeping magazines. Not that there’s anything wrong with those magazines, but I beyond the years of please your man fads, in a happy healthy relationship. I was also seeking more than the latest cooking and parenting trends. I still wanted fashion. I still wanted stories. I wanted more.
What actually hit home with me was a short blurb, an article by Juliann Garey; “What’s the matter with (grown) kids today?” One mothers new theory about the increasing number of adult children who live at home. Yeah that’s me. I am 33 years old, not married, no kids, with a college degree and I live at home. Now of course I thought the article would slam people like me; these “grown kids” now called “Adultescents;” and say we were lazy bums who wouldn’t get a job and liked to live off mommy and daddy (unfortunately some people are like this) but as for myself and many struggling people I know who can’t afford a place of their own with low paying full time jobs are not. This is why I loved the article. Garey didn’t shame us, instead she wrote about how Sally Koslow, the author of the book “Slouching Toward Adulthood,” had sympathy for us. The article touched on how today’s economy made it difficult for us to find and jobs with decent pay to rent or even own a home. In this case the article was about me. My mom was out of town in Italy when I got the mail and discovered her subscription to “More.” I’d remembered reading this magazine once about 8 years ago thinking “oh this is okay, but it doesn’t have the latest fashions and it looks like it’s for older women.” Fast forward present day and wow how have I changed my views. I’ve matured. Not only do I relate to the magazine but I crave the substance it features. I like that it has more mature women on the cover, mentors and women who’ve been through things I’m going through and women who are more captivating than Supermodels. They are Role Models. They’re the kind of women I’m inspired to be more like. After reading a magazine from front to back, all I could think to myself was, “I want more!”
Sincerely,
Cole Monique

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