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The Best Ohio Potato Salad

I’m talking potato salad today because you can’t get much more Ohio than whipping up a twenty-pound bowl of the fattening stuff.

Potato salad is hubby’s comfort food. He considers himself a California boy, but he would sell his soul to the state of Ohio if I served potato salad every day. He even takes out the garbage when he sees me pulling the ingredients together.

To be honest, I’d cook cow tongue if it made him do more household chores. I’m really, really glad he doesn’t like organ meat cause I may have been lying about the tongue. The catch is that I have to use his mother’s recipe. No substitutions, no sneaking a new seasoning and definitely no mustard.

Before we start cooking, there is one ground rule. Stay out of my kitchen. It’s the size of a coffin...I’m not kidding. I hyperventilate when I’m in it all by myself. Are we clear?

Oh yes. You have to understand one other thing. I’m not giving you exact measurements. You’re in Ohio now and we don’t use no stinking measuring spoons here. Actually, this is one of those recipes you can’t screw up a whole lot.

First, grab yourself a five-pound bag of Yukon Gold potatoes ... my personal favorites. I wash them off, cut them in half or quarters and then put them in boiling water. I peel them after they cool off a little. We are not of the potato salad with peels school of cooking.

Meanwhile, boil up a bunch of eggs. Today, I used six eggs because I felt like. Maybe next time I’ll boil eight. Don’t try to pin me down on this. Then chop up a bunch of celery and onions. Same deal. Just chop mindlessly while the potato water boils over the pan and drips down into your stove. This always happens. It’s part of the recipe. Chop up the eggs when they are hard boiled.

Mix all of the chopped up things together with an unhealthy amount of mayonnaise, salt, pepper and celery seed. Cube the potatoes and dump them in the mix. Stir delicately. Oh heck...if it looks like mashed potatoes it doesn’t really matter … so stir away. I’m going to get Martha Stewart-y on you, but it works better if the potatoes are a little warm when you mix this up. They soak up the mayo better and you get this fusion thing. I can’t believe that I used the word fusion in a sentence. 

Ta Da! Here it is! The best Ohio potato salad.

I still don’t understand how five pounds of potatoes can turn into twenty pounds of potato salad, but I needed a fork lift to get this bowl in the refrigerator.

Before he went to bed, hubby gave me instructions to not let him eat any until tomorrow ... not even if he begs or sneaks or promises to clean the toilets. He wants the potato salad nice and cold before he dives head first into the bowl.

Finally, if you want to be an honorary citizen of Ohio, don’t be seduced by potato salad recipes made with vinegar dressings. It’s not potato salad without mayonnaise. Do you hear me? The basic Ohio food groups are mayonnaise, cream cheese, and cool whip. We don’t recognize recipes without one of these three ingredients.

Gotta go. I think hubby is rappelling down the side of the house with a fork.