10 Actors Who Tried – and Failed – to Be Pop Stars
Generally speaking, the more famous celebrities get, the bigger their egos become. That’s thanks to the legions of publicists, assistants, and hangers-on who constantly lavish attention and praise on them. Stars then fancy themselves Renaissance men and women, starting fashion lines, developing perfumes, guest-editing magazines, and—most hilarious of all—recording music. In fact, celebrities have been responsible for some of the worst, so-bad-it’s-funny songs in the entire industry’s history. If the songs alone don’t make you roll your eyes or giggle in a bout of schadenfreude, the cheesy, cringe-worthy videos surely will.
“Party All the Time,” Eddie Murphy
I’ll admit that if I heard this song in the club or while driving, I’d get really excited. It’s catchy and totally fun; I’m even dancing in my office chair a little as I write this. But the fact that it’s Eddie Murphy who’s singing just makes it laughable—that and Rick James’s golden curls in the video.
“Hooked on a Feeling,” David Hasselhoff
Here’s a song that didn’t need a remake, but the Hoff felt that the original lacked three important things: an awful ’80s beat, two child angels flying around inexplicably, and Hasselhoff himself dancing in a snowsuit with a fish in his mouth.
“Run to Me,” Oscar de la Hoya
De la Hoya’s a great boxer and a good singer, but in this video, he comes off as a poor man’s Enrique Iglesias. He brought the cheesiness of the Bee Gees’ original version to his own, but none of the heart.
“Confessions of a Broken Heart,” Lindsay Lohan
The only way to enjoy this video is to count how many times someone’s crying against the door or shaking fists in frustration. It distracts you from the generic “angry young girl” lyrics and La Lohan’s screechy voice.
“She’s Like the Wind,” Patrick Swayze
Who would’ve guessed such a tough-looking guy like Swayze (RIP) was such a softy on the inside? His voice is so heartfelt, despite his having to sing silly lyrics like, “She’s like the wind through my tree.”
“Ballad of Bilbo Baggins,” Leonard Nimoy
You’re probably wondering the same thing I did after watching this: why on earth was this made? I have no idea, but just try getting the song out of your head after a couple of plays.
“Respect Yourself,” Bruce Willis
This was made back when Bruce Willis (aka “Bruno”) had rock-star aspirations. He does kind of rock, especially on the harmonica, but I think his skills are better utilized thwarting terrorists and preventing Armageddon.
“Stars Are Blind,” Paris Hilton
That Paris Hilton actually got paid to sing this lame song and shoot its ridiculous video makes my stomach turn. Thank goodness her music “career” never went much further beyond this blip.
“Papa Don’t Preach,” Kelly Osbourne
She took one of the best Madonna songs in existence and turned it into a bland, awkward mess, thanks to autotune and a lack of charisma. And what’s up with the “dancers” in the background? They just make the whole thing even worse.
“Heartbeat,” Don Johnson
You know what? This isn’t that bad, especially for the ’80s. Don Johnson has a respectable singing range; he reminds me of the lead singer from Foreigner, but he’s much better looking.
There are many more bad celebrity singles out there, and certainly more to come as rising stars try to capitalize on their fame. If only they’d learn that it’s far better to be really good at one thing, rather than mediocre—or, in some of these celebrities’ cases, just plain awful—at many things. Until then, at least we can laugh at the terrible music videos and be thankful that our own little experiments in life can’t be googled so easily.