19 Times Amy Schumer Said What We Were Already Thinking
by Jasmine Gordon
Comedian Amy Schumer is famous for being brutally honest. When it comes to dating, sex, and relationships, the star of Trainwreck isn’t afraid to speak her mind. Lucky for the rest of us, this super-funny girl typically says what we’re already thinking. Here are 19 times Amy Schumer totally nailed it.
“I am a hot-blooded fire and I am fearless.”
If it’s the secret to her success, we’ll take it!
On Speaking Her Mind
“I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say.”
Yeah, Amy! You tell them, girl!
On Getting in Shape
“This is not an exercise class. This is a funeral for the fat you, okay?“
If this is what it takes to get you motivated to finish your SoulCycle class, why not?
On Talking About Sex
“People are f—ing filthy and dirty, and women don’t need to pretend they’re not anymore.“
Amy Schumer proves that women can be funny and crude, and that it’s totally okay.
On Her Haters
“Don’t feel bad for me. I think I’m, like, so pretty.”
Amy Schumer, you are the prettiest. Thanks for the confidence lesson!
On Her Weight
“I’m probably, like, 160 pounds right now. Like, that’s the truth. It’s not a problem… I am a size [six] and have no plans of changing. This is it.”
Amy proves that you can be healthy, funny, and happy with your body.
On Getting Through Tough Times
“The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you… laugh.”
Even celebrities have their tough times and personal struggles. If you’re having what feels like the worst day ever, try to laugh.
On Her Body Critics
“I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be.”
Amy proves that it’s okay to feel vulnerable, and that body shaming is never called for.
On Her Image
“I say if I’m beautiful. I say if I’m strong. You will not determine my story—I will.”
No one has the right to write your story or define who you are!
On Regrettable Dating Decisions
“I went home with this French guy because he said something adorable like, ‘I have an apartment.'”
While many of us haven’t made that mistake, we’ve certainly all had some terrible first dates.
On Finding Mr. Right
“There’s a guy right now I’ve been texting with, and I really don’t see myself having a bathing-suit wedding with him.”
Are bathing suit weddings a thing? Really? We’re all for the body confidence it would take to say “I do” in a bikini, but we can’t say we blame her.
On Embarrassing Sex Stuff
“I know embarrassing sex stuff does happen! People aren’t just like, ‘Hi, I love you. We’re gonna be together forever.’ And then no weird noises happen.”
Public service announcement, courtesy of Amy Schumer. Sometimes great sex can get embarassing or a little noisy. And that’s totally okay.
On Secretly Enjoying the Single Life
“Sometimes I feel like, ‘Oh my god, I haven’t had sex in months and I’m not looking to and I just want to watch Downton Abbey in bed and make tea for myself.'”
We’d be lying if we didn’t admit that sounded absolutely fabulous. Can we join in? Pretty please?
On Having Fun in Bed
“I completely love sex and I don’t feel shy about feeling entitled to an orgasm if I’m having sex with somebody.”
You are entitled to an orgasm! Amy Schumer’s attitude towards sex is nothing short of fantastic.
On Not Drinking Too Much
“Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I’ve never woken up and been like, ‘What is this Pilates mat doing out?'”
While we’re not entirely sure that Pilates after a night of heavy drinking is the best idea, we’re all about whatever it takes for you to model healthy habits!
On Hollywood Beauty Standards
“Just be yourself, have fun and stop eating food,” quips Schumer, making fun of Hollywood agents who pressured her to trim down.
We’re glad you didn’t listen to their unhealthy advice, Amy! Life without food is no fun at all.
On Getting Dressed
“It takes me 90 minutes to look this mediocre. 90 minutes!”
Let’s face it. All of us have days where our outfits feel awkward and our hair isn’t quite right!
On Feeling Lazy
“Can’t I just do nothing?”
Hey, that sounds great. Us too, please?
On Her Personal Style
“I like to be draped in sweatpants.”
Yoga pants, gym pants, slouchy pants. Any kind of sweatpants are the best kind of pants in our book!