Michael Lohan Madness: That’s Messed Up
by Nikki Deterding
When I think all things Lohan can’t possibly get any more ridiculous, Michael Lohan proves me wrong … again. I should really just start assuming that absurd, outrageous happenings will crop up sooner rather than later within Hollywood’s least favorite family.
Michael Lohan, Lindsay’s estranged father, has exposed that he’s going to be opening and running a women-only rehab center—funded by a “really well-known person.” Okay, Derek Zoolander. Isn’t this just the best news in the whole world? Who better to run a rehab center than a father who can’t keep his own daughter from going thirty days without being arrested, readmitted into rehab, or tried in court? I can see all the lives changing for the better already. To top it all off, Michael’s “strong disbelief” in prescription medicine compelled him to say this about his rehab center: “I don’t believe in prescription drugs. If people come in on them, they’re going to have to get off of them; otherwise, they’ll be looking for another rehab.” Let’s hope they’re looking for another rehab for other, glaringly obvious reasons.
In true Michael Lohan style, any time he thinks his fifteen minutes of fame might be up, he pulls another media-attention-grabbing stunt. Between October 6, 2010, when the story about his “rehab center” broke, and now, he’s been involved in countless tabloid stories. His most recent shenanigans consist of—but are not limited to—telling press that he would fall off the wagon and admit himself to the Betty Ford Center so he could be closer to Lindsay, promising (the press) that he will stop talking about his daughter to the press, and crashing a Real Housewives of Atlanta charity event that he was asked not to attend, and then sending angry texts to the PR reps who asked him to leave.
Why don’t you try not being a douche for 0.2 seconds, Michael? I think the general public, and most definitely your daughter, would appreciate that much more than having to sift through your craziness to read their news. If there’s one thing sadder than the overexposed life of a struggling young adult in Hollywood, it’s a starlet’s father who’s always trying to exploit her for even a few seconds of the limelight.
Michael, no one cares if you open some sketchy rehab clinic or fall off the wagon, but we’re all dying for you to fall off the face of the earth. Stop riding your troubled daughter’s coattails—because that’s messed up.
Read the previous That’s Messed Up column.
The onslaught of news, personal stories, and random information we hear throughout the day can leave us in a state of shock. This series is dedicated to the various things we find and have no other words to say but, “That’s messed up.” If you come across anything that makes you want to utter those same words, please send it to Nikki at firstname.lastname@example.org.