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The Computer Has Come to Kill Us

Laurie: I clicked on something and suddenly the Subject category in my e-mail inbox disappeared. I decided I wouldn’t panic even though my friends and I finally figured out you really don’t have to write an email if you are in a rush. Just put the question/answer/concern in the subject line, and you’ll save mucho cyber space. Now what the hell am I supposed to do? I clicked on everything that was clickable, I moved borders and boundaries, I cursed, and I worked the Tool Bar like a slot machine on the brink of paying off. Finally, I decided, “When in doubt, reboot.” I waited and I prayed. Gadzooks, it was still missing!

elizabeth: I loved writing email messages in the heading at my last job. People would email me back and wanted to let me know that there was nothing in the body of the email. You are correct, Einstein, it is in the heading. “You can’t do that,” they would snap back at me. Adjust your grip on reality and get back to me. I was great at snapping back plus I hated wasting valuable time. Some people I worked with were such morons. And I am saying this for all the people out there who have to suffer working side by side with imbeciles. So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell, “I am mad as hell and I am going to write a whole email in the heading.” Feel better? Me, too.

Oh, you were talking about losing the subject category on the email? I think I am going to have my body frozen while you figure this out.

Laurie: OK, now I’m at a fever pitch of self-pity. The computer is out to get me, life is unfair, I spent my entire day doing good things for others and this is the payoff I get? I have a million things that must be done by sundown. Woe is me, my life is destroyed. Who can I call and why aren’t they here right now so I don’t have to go through this anxiety? What kind of crappy world do I live in anyway? And then suddenly a moment of inspiration. Why not type in “subject” in the help category? Sure, it’s a broad category but I may get lucky. If anybody deserves a little luck, it’s me. There it was—instructions for how to restore my Subject category. I printed it out and soon my subjects were all lined up in a row they way they were supposed to be. And I am naming my next pet OMOO—short for Outlook Microsoft Office Online. Another day of war—Laurie vs. Technology—and I may not have won but life is beautiful, the sun is shining, and I have subjects.

elizabeth: You have subjects? Well, look at you, Queen Laurie in all your Skechers and Vera Bradley. Don’t expect a bow out of me.