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If Hair Tools Had Realistic Names

"Be right down, I'm putting on my Disney hair!"

Beauty experts agree that their tools and products aren't always the most intuitive things to use. So while they're actually named things like "hair gel" or "bobby pins," we sat down to give them the names they should have. What tool should you turn to when your locks are too flat? "Eat Me" cake, of course! While these names might confuse your friends and family in real life, we're certainly going to add them to our repertoire. "Be right down, I'm putting on my Disney hair!"

1. Brush: Bedroom Microphone


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You know you do it.

2. Curling Iron: First-Aid Education


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Honestly, nothing will teach you more about burns.

3. Hairspray: Stunning Spell


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Stupefy!

4. Mousse: Foamy Foamy Foam-Foam


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Mousse: The most fun you've had since Floam.

5. Hair Gel: Hair Laminate


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Make your hair feel like plastic!

6. Dry Shampoo: Shower in a Can


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Some days you just don't have time.

7. Hair Ties: Bracelets


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If you buy your bracelets way too small.

8. Bobby Pins: Breadcrumbs


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Just follow the trail of bobby pins, you'll find me.

9. Blow Dryer: Workout Reminder


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You know it's time to hit the gym when your blow dryer is too heavy.

10. Straightener: "Drink Me" Potion


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For when your hair is too big.

11. Diffuser: "Eat Me" Cake


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For when your hair is too small.

12. Crimper: Hair Waffle Iron


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Except not as delicious.

13. Shaver: Head Mower


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It's kind of terrifying to think about.

14. Extensions: Disney Hair


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So that's how they do it.

15. Hairband: Mötley Crüe


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"Friday night and I need a fight / My motorcycle and a switchblade knife / Handful of grease and my hair feels right."

16. Water: Undo


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When things go wrong, there's always water.

What hair products or tools did we leave out? Do you have a special name for your favorite beauty supplies? Share it with us!

 
 
 
Rachel Weeks

I'm originally from the Chicagoland area, but I recently moved from beautiful Des Moines, IA to the equally beautiful Denver, CO. I spend my days reading, binge-watching TV shows, performing and listening to comedy and, of course, writing.

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