11 c. Sword
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An instrument of death and destruction. A symbol of power and strength. A protector. An avenger. A slayer. The mighty sword is the ultimate symbol of masculinity. So, of course, it became one of the earliest slang terms for the penis, although a flaccid penis does not necessarily benefit from the comparison. Suddenly, swordplay is much less impressive.
More derivations: arrow, lance, warder, pike, ramrod, bazooka, gun, pistol, dagger, cutlass
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While it's possible that "cock" developed its sexual affiliation from its second meaning, "spout," it's more likely that it came from similarities to the wobbly red bits on a rooster's neck. Just as a man's penis reacts to arousal, an angry or excited cock's wattles fill with blood, swell and brighten. Additionally, when a rooster crows, he arches his neck and tips his head back. Sound familiar? "Cock" eventually became so associated with the penis that the word "rooster" was created in the late 18th century to replace it.
Modern derivations: pillicock, peacock, cockroach, cockaroony, doodle
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"Tail" has been used to refer to both male and female genitals since the 14th century, but "penis," the Latin word for "tail," was not introduced to the English language until 1676. And it wasn't until 1965 that "schwanz," the German word for "tail," was assimilated. The usage creates an entirely new meaning to the phrase "tail wagging the dog."
Modern derivations: bobtail, tickle-tail, pee pee, peep, peeper, pee wee, pee nee, peanut, pencil
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Before its induction into the dick-tionary, "doodle" was used to denote a simpleton. In the late 18th century, this became associated with a man who thinks not with his "big brain" but with his small one. Of course, "doodle" could also be a distant cousin of "cock," born from a rooster's crow—cockadoodle-doo. Either way, the word is at its best from the lips of Rainn Wilson in Juno, "This is one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet."
More derivations: doodad, doohicky, loodle, whangdoodle, wang
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While Richards everywhere have borne the modern weight of the penis-name burden, they aren't alone. In fact, "Roger" was the first in a long line of names applied to the penis. "Thomas" was second, introduced in 1811, followed by "Dick," "Peter" and "Willie." In general, these poor gentlemen are simply victims of having a common name. But let's be honest, all Richards who choose to go by Dick are asking for it.
More derivations: Pete, Pepe, Rudy, Willer, Stanley, Johnson
Photo: Albert H. Teich / Shutterstock.com
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The 19th century was a time of discretion and delicacy, not description. Americans were prone to replacing distastefully specific words with more general and thus less offensive ones. "Breasts" was replaced with "bosom," a word that referred to a woman's entire midsection. "Legs" was replaced with "limbs." And "penis" was replaced with "dingus," a word derived from Dutch dinges that simply means "thing."
More derivations: dinkus, dink, winky, winkus, tinky, stinky winky, winky wonkers, konk konk
Photo: Donna Beeler / Shutterstock.com
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It is said that "dong" first became associated with the penis after the publication of Edward Lear's poem "The Dong with a Luminous Nose." As the story goes, a one-eyed creature referred to as The Dong attempts to find himself a lady using a long, red lamplike probe. Tragically, light-up noses are not great lady-finders, and all his searching is in vain. Good thing he has his flesh light to keep him company.
More derivations: dangle, dingle, dingle dangle, ding ding, ding dong, dingleberry
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Wienerwursts, literally "sausages of Vienna," became familiar in the United States in the late 19th century. But the word "wiener" was not created until the "-wurst" was dropped in 1905. The wiener was not commonly associated with the penis until five years later. This means it took more than a decade for the most phallic food in history to be officially associated with the penis. How disappointing.
More derivations: wienie, wee, weeter, wee wee, weedle, wenis, sausage
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German and Yiddish — both Germanic languages — share many of the same words. For example, "putz" and "schmuck" roughly translate to "ornament or decoration" in both languages. However, Jews used "schmuck" and "putz" to refer to a penis, and Germans used them to denote jewelry or Christ's manger in a Nativity scene. Despite the inevitable miscommunications the holiday season may bring, Jews and Germans agree that there's nothing like a good "putz" to put everyone in a festive mood.
More derivations: wantz, schmeck, schmeckel
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While the exact origination of "junk" is unclear, there are theories that claim "junk" was a common word for male genitalia in gay culture in the early '80s. During that time, "junk" was usually associated with being kicked. Since then, "junk" has ameliorated; it has lost some of its potency. Today, "junk" is commonplace. It could mean anything from male or female genitalia to worthless stuff.
More derivations: package, lunch box, picnic basket
Photo: Matyas Rehak / Shutterstock.com
2009 Disco Stick
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Although Lady Gaga's homemade euphemism confused audiences at first, the infamous hook "I wanna take a ride on your disco stick" would carry "LoveGame" into top-ten charts in more than ten countries. Gaga cleared up any confusion on the words' meaning in an interview with Rolling Stone, saying, "It's another of my very thoughtful metaphors for a cock." Barrett attributes creations like this to young people's propensity to be "a hell of a lot more fun, which leads to lots more wordplay and goofing with language just for the heck of it."
More derivations: meat stick, blow stick, jolly stick
Photo: DFree / Shutterstock.com
Even More Derivations
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schlong, little finger, widgy, ting ting, tilly, hoo hoo, hoozee, mushroom, turkey, cookie, carrot, pudding, beans, tallywacker, goober, bug, buggy, flubbly, paddle wackle, hose, sprinkler, doohinger, baloney pony, trouser snake, uterus unicorn