The Age of Touchpad Discrimination
Allow me to explain how the iPhone, and soon to be Blackberry Storm, is discriminating against me and many other people like me, I’m sure. And other people not like me.
I have had a syndrome that is clinically called “hyperhydrosis” for as long as I can remember. Colloquially, this is referred to as “sweaty hand syndrome.”
I used to think I was the only person with this “disease,” which has really, not in any way, prevented me from doing what I want with my life. There are a few, well many, inconveniences, however.
Right now, my keyboard is wet. This is because I am drinking a cup of hot coffee. Caffeine is one of the triggers of SHS (if you will). When I play Wii, I have to wipe the controllers off after my turn, as well as use the wristband loop in order not to fling the damn thing across the room.
As a child, I had to carry a towel with me during my piano recitals to wipe off the keys, and I had to wear two batting gloves, not one, so I wouldn’t … (see Wii example above).
In spite of my … condition … I have graduated from the college of my choice with honors and two majors, and continue to do yoga, and hike and travel without issue. In fact, I wrote my college application essay on how my sweaty hands have affected my life. It was humorous, I assure you.
But here I sit. Wal-Mart is about to introduce $99 iPhones (yes, a crappy version, but so what?) and I will be unable to buy one. Why? The hands. The hands.
I was in Baltimore recently for a reunion with my friends, and two of them have iPhones. Because the wireless connection was not yet set up in my friends’ apartment, I used their phones to check my email throughout the weekend. Now if you want to experience something frustrating, do the following: dip your hands in salt water and try to delete a single email on an iphone. See you in four hours.
The touch screen. What has been heralded as a miracle invention by the mobile industry has ruined me. And you know what? I bet people without fingers or hands are pretty pissed, too. Or people without fingertips. If you are out there and reading this, maybe we can start a movement. Leave a comment.
Okay, my crackpot rant is just about over. But I want you to seriously consider this. Yes, it’s a first world problem, and I’m fully aware of that. I don’t even think it’s a problem because Steve Jobs already supplied one of my laptops and a couple of my iPods over the years. I don’t think I need to give him all my money.
But please weigh in. Or should people with sweaty hands just use Blackberries?