The other day I saw an ad for crocs, this time advertising their new “fashionable crocs for summer fashionistas.” After seeing what they deemed “fashionable,” any modern mama with any fashion sense (and even those without!) would know that “fashionable crocs” are the ultimate oxy-moron because unless your age is still in single digits, there is nothing fashionable or “cute” about crocs.

In fact, their own ad slogan, “What a CROC,” says it best, displaying an ugly rubber pump-type shoe that no one would be caught dead in, even it came in leather. Now I can hear the complaints already—but they’re so comfortable, they’re anti-microbial and odor resistant, blah, blah, blah … I don’t know about you, but I personally have never been comfortable in something that I am truly embarrassed to be wearing altogether (think bridesmaid dresses from hell).

Kids and crocs make sense since they are easy to slip on and off; just don’t “jibbitize” them. What are jibbitz? They are those plastic things that go into the holes of your kids’ crocs to let child molesters far and wide know all about your precious offspring. All of a sudden your kids shoes have a voice (even before some kids do!) and tell the world, “Hi, my name is Jeff (j-e-f-f not g-e-o-f-f), my favorite color is red, and I like dolphins and soccer—come strike up a conversation with me by pretending like you know me cuz now you do!”

Even worse are those car decals with the stick figures of each family member doing some random pose representing their favorite hobby. Now, not only does the local criminal/child molester/identity thief/you fill in the blank know your family’s last name, they also know that Ben likes the guitar, Amber likes softball, and be careful when breaking in our house because we also have a dog and a cat! Of course, to find out where you live, they just have to follow your car home.

So to make my point, and yes I do have one, if you are an adult, unless you are a nurse at work, a member of the AVP, or at least play competitive volleyball,  are a diabetic or have some medical reason why you need to wear crocs—then don’t rock the crocs.

P.S. If you had to click on the AVP link to know what I was referring to … then you shouldn’t be rockin’ those crocs either. Now I am done.

P.S.S. One more. If one of my kids came home and asked for a pair of crocs, what would my response be? I would smile and say, “Son, let’s grab the car keys and rush to the Disney store to by you some licensed character apparel!”

Now I am done!