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Lucy Goes Shopping

Anyone who knows me can tell you I am not a shopper! I love Internet shopping, where the nice postman brings purchases to your door (my fence gate, as Sentry will not allow anyone in the yard). I have to prepare myself mentally to leave the house with shopping in mind. That process alone can take weeks to accomplish. Therefore, when I tell you that I turned Houma on its ear today, you had better believe me.

My day was running on schedule, even though I woke up from a tiring night’s sleep; or should I say sporadic night’s sleep. I slept on the sofa last night. It was either that or put a pillow over my snoring husband’s face. He thanked me this morning for choosing the sofa.

I piddled for just a few minutes, watering my flowers in pots outside so they would last through the day’s heat, and then, since I was already soaking wet, I did my exercise tape, showered, dressed, and was out the door only five minutes past my allotted time.

Then I ran into detours due to road construction, and being on a tight schedule this morning did not allow for such delays. I swerved around this and bounced over that, snuck around another obstacle and finally made it into the mall parking lot none the worse for wear (don’t know if the Burb will ever be the same. She truly sighed as I pulled into the parking slot.)

I hopped out of the Burb and headed into the mall. I smiled at everyone I met (I am beautiful on the inside so I have to portray that to the outside.) I must say that people act quite strangely when you tell them hello with a big smile, especially if they do not know who you are. I think they were looking around for the orderlies from which I surely must have escaped.

I did make it around the corner and down the corridor to Bath & Body without mishap. The sales clerk was very friendly (beautiful on the inside/outside), but by the time I checked out, I was confused (and looking for the orderlies to pick me up). The store was out of my body mist and some things were on sale for buy three, get two free; buy two, get one free; or buy five for $10, or ten for $22. I ended up checking out twice and buying extra to get the extra. I am still wondering if I came out ahead. No wonder it takes me weeks to garner the courage to go shopping!

I finished up with my shopping at the mall and headed out to the Burb. I think I saw her cower as I approached. I had to soothe her (talk in extremely soft tones) in order to put the key in the lock. I started up the engine, lowered the windows to blow out some of the heat, cranked up the a/c, and took off (floored it.) Sometimes I feel as though the locks will lock of their own accord and she will take over the driving. For some reason, she thinks stop signs mean STOP!

Onward to Hobby Lobby and Office Depot where I am positive the stores must have a special bell they ring as I approach. People who have had the privilege to shop with me know that when I shop, I am on a mission. I have mentally mapped out the store in my head and I know where each item is located. At Office Depot, I hit the door running with my buggy. I head down Isle 3 for pencils, Isle 10 for paper, and over to the counter where I startle the poor clerk into asking me if she can help me (where she looks as though she truly thinks I do need help—the frenzied look on my otherwise beautiful face scared her). I am tossing out used computer printer cartridges by the dozens and she is grabbing replacements. We are in a race. I grab the cartridges and head to the checkout register. People are moving out of the way; they are forming a shoot to the finish line (Supermarket Sweep ain’t got nothing on me) and are cheering me on (I think they want me gone). I complete my purchase, smile, and gracefully wave (just like Grace Kelley) as I head out of the door, my mission complete.

I would love to say that after I turned Houma on its ear, I headed for home. I did not. I headed to New Orleans and more traffic jams and construction. I will save that story for another day. It is time to recuperate! 

 

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