Menu Join now Search

Jovovich Misses the Target

My daily ensembles are fierce a lá Christian Siriano of Project Runway, so people are usually quite shaken when they learn that my favorite place to shop is Target, or rather Targé (as us fashionistas call it). I was delighted to hear that model/actress/designer Milla Jovovich with her partner in design Carmen Hawk, was designing a Jovovich-Hawk collection for the masses at my darling store. As the “reigning queen of kick-butt” in Hollywood, I expected nothing less than “kick-butt” for Milla’s Target debut. But I’m not going to lie. There was no kicking butt involved—it sucked butt!

I expected dazzling colors, airy spring dresses, ruffly tops, and unique designs. I found dull colors, frumpy dresses, shapeless tops, and stale designs. I could not find one piece of clothing I wanted to try on (let alone spend $39.99 on). Instead of finding the ladies section bursting with Jovovich-Hawk designs, I found two picked through racks and one half-empty shelf sequestered in a corner. I remained optimistic as I rummaged through the racks. I saw basic black Capri-pants and some denimy-looking gauchos with a large bow on the crotch. Depression crept over me as I looked at piece after piece of black, off-white, and grey. A particularly horrendous piece was the “Square-Neck Dot Dress.”

Picture a black muumuu that hits your knees with some random ruffles and large white polka dots. Another dreadful piece was the crosshatch apron dress: Anne of Green Gables meets Pocahontas.

I think Milla picked cheap fabrics and attempted to transform then into trendy bo-ho looks, or as my fashion-designer friend, Anne said, “it looks like cheap fabrics mixed with flower power and stamped with a designer name.” We unanimously agreed it belonged in Kmart.

I drove home and popped open a bottle of Chardonnay to calm my nerves after the evening of trauma and disappointment. My hypothesis is that they were under extreme time pressure and never got a chance to do it right. I saw potential (adorable birdy-buttons on a blouse) but it just never got to that “designer” level. Anne said (and I quote), “Some pieces are almost cute but on a whole, I wanted to vomit.”

Fear not my beloved Target, I will never abandon you. You still have a special place in my heart and wardrobe. It’s just that this particular line blew chunks. Your other fancy-made-frugal lines have been extraordinary. I adored Erin Featherstone’s line; I am actually wearing her shirt today. Alice Temperly’s pieces were ethereal; I bought my favorite blouse from that line. I promise to still come visit once a week and buy excessive beauty products and work-out clothes (even though I don’t have a gym membership).  

Jovovich-Hawk was quoted on saying, “It’s rare to have the power to change a mood. Great design can.” I couldn’t have said it better myself. My mood was completely transformed. After seeing their designs, I felt like crap.

More You'll Love

Meghan Markle Ditched Her Heels For Rothy's Flats And She's Never Been More Relatable
Not Your Grandmother's Shoes: 11 Totally Fashionable Loafers
It’s National Handbag Day, And We Found All The Designer Bag Steals
Dress Like Kendall Jenner With This Adidas Tracksuit Available at Nordstrom
15 Cheap Costume Ideas That Require Minimal Funds And Maximal Fun
Add Some Heat To Your Winter With These Lingerie Pieces
Finally, A Sexy Lingerie Line That Goes Up To Size 46K
The Moschino x H&M Collection Is Wilder Than We Expected
17 Punny Halloween Costumes That Are Super Easy And Affordable