Have you ever worn a pair of boots and thought to yourself, Wow, great boots, but all this toe coverage is excessive. No, I didn’t think so. I haven’t either. Mostly because the notion of boots with less toe coverage makes about as much sense as pants with fewer leg holes. I mean, coverage is kinda the point, right? Boots cover feet in times of need; toes are typically found there. But also, my toes aren’t attention whores. The phrase “get more exposure” is not on their bucket list—especially during boot season (also known as winter). Nope, my toes are unassuming, modest, and content to focus on the perpetual task at hand: preventing me from face-planting every time I step forward. Case closed, right?
Well, like most non-attention-whorey things I like about myself, unassuming toes are totally out. What’s in? Peep-toe boots: for the attention-starved toe that hates body warmth! I’m sure you’ve seen them in department stores, taunting you with their maddeningly self-defeating design. It’s like standing in the ice-cream aisle in the grocery store, coveting all of the delectable frozen flavors, and then realizing that all of the cartons are (for some god-awful reason) self-heating! Who would do that!? A heartless diabolical vegan, maybe … but I digress. The point is, unless we are talking about a very special boot that is made specifically for that one crazy lady (who I’m sure is out there and probably lives in my neighborhood next to Carpet-Cape Lady and Party-Dumpster Man) who suffers from debilitating climate differentiation in her feet, whereby the temperature of her toes is always thirty degrees hotter than her heels, boots should cover toes. Captain Obvious is cringing right now.
All I can hope is that this ill-conceived pseudo boot wanders quietly into the cold, dark night and dies a death of its own toeless making: frostbite. In the meantime, let’s celebrate our noble unassuming toes with proper coverage for the winter months, and hope that I never, ever need to explain the need for leg holes.
Read Adult Rompers: WTF?
WTF? is a series dedicated to the trends that haunt our city streets and leave us with nothing else to say but “What the f#$%!?” While individuality is appreciated when it comes to personal style, WTF-committers may suffer from a lack of judgment with regard to taking risks. If you see a trend that leaves you saying “WTF?” please send a message care of the editor to email@example.com.