In my previous article, “Things I Hate,” I noted stupid people. Particularly, stupid people who somehow interact with me either by talking, driving, or invading my TV. You would think that if I were serious about avoiding stupid people I would avoid, at all costs, places where they congregate. Nope, not me though. I insist on shopping at the largest discount chain in the world. I think I shop there to punish myself for past sins, but that’s another article.
A couple of months ago on my lunch hour I went to the above mentioned retail chain to buy my daughter’s birthday presents. Her birthday was that week and I was pretty sure that everything on her seven-year-old list was contained on some aisle inside the store. As a working mom, I’m all about one-stop shopping.
Let me set the scene … I was having a great day. I was in a good mood, it was the first day this fall that the weather had a cool breeze, both kids were happy when they hopped out of the van that morning, I made it to work on time and I was having an, “I think I look good day.” Now, this last part is particularly important. I turned forty this year and much to my surprise, I’m a little sensitive about it. However, I think I look OK. I don’t fancy myself a MILF, but I know a lot of forty year old women who couldn’t pull off my minivan as well as I do. Anyway, I got a good parking space, picked up a cart and headed for the toy aisle. Sure enough—jackpot—the now recalled-date rape drug-contaminated Aqua Dots Play Set, check … Electronic Keyboard, check—the MUCH desired and heavily advertised Blendy Pens, check—The Disney Princess CD Player, check. God, my life is fabulous! I headed over to the CD section to pick up High School Musical Two, The Cheetah Girls, and Hannah Montana/Meet Miley Cyrus for the above mentioned CD player. I had all three CDs in my hand and was about to drop them into the cart when … STUPID PERSON ENGAGES ME. This chick, who I assumed worked at the retailer’s hair salon because of the smock she was wearing, stopped at my cart and asked—I swear—if the Disney Princess CD Player was a CROCK POT. Yes, a crock pot … you know one of those things that is used to cook an otherwise desirable piece of meat into oblivion and then is passed off as stew?
a. I would purchase a crock pot and …
b. If I did, I would by a pink one.
I could not make this up. Oh but wait, wait … it got worse. After I explained to her that nooooo, it was not a pink crock pot sporting Belle, Jasmine, Ariel, Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty, the chick looked at me—Me, who was wearing three inch heels, a skirt above my knee caps, make-up, and freshly colored hair in a pony tail, and then said:
“Whoooooo Weeeeeee … Your, little grandbaby is sure gonna love that!”
Ummmkay, perfect day ruined. Beauty products, aisle twelve.